Still Kickin’

In my on-going attempt to be(e) as authentic and open as I can, tonight I’m sharing something I never thought I’d share.

I’m going to share the words that have haunted me for years.

Now obviously, disclaimer: hurtful words are not a one-size-fits-all. What hurts me might not hurt you. What hurts you might not hurt me. I’m sharing this for a purpose: to free myself of its hold on me.

Because I’ve learned a hell of a lot from it.

I was once told that I was an extra body. That’s it. an. extra. body. here.

Those words, while they’re something that should never be said to anyone, may not mean much to you. And that’s expected - we’re not the same people. However, it unfortunately impacted me. And trust me, I’ve already beaten myself up about letting it affect me so much. But for some unexplainable reason, this one stuck with me.

It hurt like crazy. It made me insecure. It made me truly question if I was just an extra body that doesn’t mean anything to anyone. I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t still cross my mind. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel like an extra body sometimes. Quite frankly, I oftentimes feel overlooked. I sometimes even feel completely invisible.

However, over the years I’ve come to realize that whatever you give power, has power. Words, people, situations, they can all have power. Simple as that.

But this works both ways too. If you give yourself power, you are powerful.

Who gives a flying shEEt what people say you are?! Your opinion of yourself is what matters. Sure, words are painful. They may never go away completely in your mind. But you know who you are better than anyone else on the planet. And that’s never going to change.

I haven’t let these words change who I am, so why start now? I know I’m not an extra body. I refuse to let those words take control of me anymore.

I’m still kickin. I’m still me. Whatever has been said was said. That’s it. That’s all it’ll ever be because I refuse to let it slow me down.