Everything to Me

There’s no words I can put together that accurately describe how grateful I am for the people in my life. But I’m going to try.

I talked in my last post about how I was encouraged to cherish the small moments in life and the time I have with friends - and while I don’t think I’ve ever taken that for granted, I’ve never felt more appreciative of those things than I have now.

I won’t lie, right now my life is full of unknowns. I know I’ve said this before but unknowns are incredibly exciting. But something I’ve struggled with facing them is self doubt (I also struggle with verbalizing how much I care about things, if you can’t tell, so bear with me if this makes no sense).

When I deal with change - big and small - I feel like I tend to self doubt and second guess my place with others, no matter how close we are (which makes zero sense I know but I can’t help it).

However, something that helps me through unknowns are the moments that would otherwise be seen as “simple.”

For example, having my friends cram into my studio apartment to paint pumpkins on the floor, or gossiping with friends at our local coffee shop, or collecting new friends along each new adventure, or swimming in the ocean after a long day. Even though these moments happen often, they have never been simple to me. Like I said, they mean more to me than I can put into words.

When I look back at my life and my favorite memories, these are the memories that always will be cherished the most in each stage of my life. Playing with neighbors outside and putting on shows for my parents growing up, movie nights and coffee shops in high school, college late night grocery store runs & laughing during class with friends, post-grad exploring new neighborhoods on Sundays in New York, touring art galleries & nights on the beach in Charleston - all of these moments almost make me emotional to think about because they mean everything.

While I can’t guarantee my specific memories will be relevant to anyone, I am comforted knowing that those memories hold more weight to me than any self doubt could. No matter what’s ahead, I’ll look back fondly at moments that were & are everything to me.

Judy

Today I want to tell you the story of my new friend Judy!

I had some down time today and decided to do one of my favorite Charleston activities and go sit by the bay! I usually go to one of two spots and most of the time it’s very quiet and I am the only one there.

However, today an older woman came up to me and asked to sit on the bench behind me to eat her lunch. She told me this spot was her favorite spot too.

I offered her my seat and said I could leave if she’d like some time alone, but she insisted I stay and we got to talking. This lovely woman’s name is Judy.

She is a single mother who grew up and raised a family in Massachusetts, then moved south once her daughter went to school here. Her daughters now have families of their own and live back up north. Judy and I talked about everything from our families and how we were named (she thinks the name Mary is timeless so big shoutout to Grandmare for that one), to boy advice, to places to hear live music in Charleston.

Nearly two hours go by, and I realize that Judy and I have much more in common than I thought. We both are both still little girls at heart.

She said the phrase “Each year I don’t get older, I get bolder,” and she told me to live by that. She said that there needs to be more moments in our lives where we simply enjoy the simple present. Moments where we can dance to good music without judgement, moments where we (more she hehe) can marvel at how advanced new iPhone camera qualities are haha, or moments where we enjoy a bench near the harbor watching a heron fly by (true event).

What Judy doesn’t know is that she helped ground me in the moment today. I was feeling anxious and she completely took me out of my own head and helped remind me of simple things I can be grateful for.

Judy encouraged me to keep taking photos, keep documenting memories (if it’s something that makes you happy), because one day, those photos might help remind you how precious the simple (or big) things in life really are ◡̈

Big Life Updates

Hello! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve last posted on here - so much has been going on and it’s been a whirlwind!

I visited NYC for a job interview for Barstool Sports - that also happened to be one of the last days of New York Fashion Week - so I made my return there and also got to visit my lovely friend Maria  as well as my sister :) !!

Then, the big news arrived that I got the job! I accepted and a little over two weeks ago I started a new role at Barstool as a Producer on their Branded Content team! Since then, I had the opportunity to start work right away and join their reality show crew for two weeks in Chicago! I am so excited about this role and it sounds like I will be traveling to some new places too.

So in all honesty, September absolutely flew by. I feel like I left the south in the summer and returned for Halloween time! Not complaining though because I absolutely love fall in Charleston. Everyone really goes all out for decor and gets in the Halloween spirit - so keep an eye out for cute fall content coming as well!

I may still have to order some Halloween costumes and switch out of summer mode - but I’m back and ready for fall things :) !!

24!!

Wow life has been moving fast recently! Catching up on a few posts here and feeling so lucky to celebrate another birthday on the beach :)

Got my horizontal license and I’m feeling changed (I promise I’m kidding) 😩

The fact that already a year has passed by blows my mind - I feel like I was just posting about 23. While each year that passes brings its own growth, opportunities, and lessons, I feel like it’s easier for me to grasp a more dramatic time change than just 365 days. So I’m going to refer to my 14 year old self!

8th grade me. If only I could show her what was to come.

She was so unsure of who she was going to be. She was practically terrified of even the thought of college, let alone high school. She doubted nearly everything she did. She pushed herself, but didn’t believe in herself.

Now looking back at 24, I smile at 14 year old me and remember exactly how she felt. I would tell her that she still struggles sometimes with finding moments to be proud of herself, but that she’d face her fears and exceed them (all while creating new fears LOL)!

Things would be challenging, and she’d still struggle with self doubt at times, but over the next 10 years, she would learn who she is. She would understand what she values and how she wants to become. She would believe in herself and who she is as a person.

And I know for certain that who I am is ever evolving - there’s so much more to learn about myself in the following 10 years. By 34, I’ll be looking back at this probably laughing at what I thought I knew now - and that’s okay!

I am so grateful to have another trip around the sun complete and each year I get excited thinking about what the following year will bring and what that will look like compared to years prior.

As always, thank you to my dear friends and family members for making my 24th a wonderful birthday ❤️

Good for the Mind, Good for the Soul

A couple days ago I asked on my story for some blog post ideas and someone mentioned healthy habits and how implementing them has affected me. I love this idea!! While I’m no expert in what habits are best, I do know that I’ve noticed positive changes to my mood throughout the week when I make time for them.

My friend Sara had been given advice once to plan something fun to look forward to each day after work - and I love that advice! It can be something small or big - whatever you want! Some things I do might sound silly to some, but if they bring me joy - are they that silly?

First thing, is I loveee being outside (especially in South Carolina lol)! Most of my activities involve being outside if I can haha. I love making time to jump in the ocean after work, take a walk through my neighborhood, or go sit by the bay.

Let’s say the weather is bad or I’m not feeling the outdoor moment - something simple that has improved my mood a ton is playing music while I cook dinner. For someone who struggles with allergies and a lot of food restrictions, sometimes cooking can feel like a chore for me. But as soon as music turns on - it’s a fun activity!

I’ve also picked up some fun projects around my apartment to make the space more homey! Little things like buying some candles, hanging up a new photo, or revamping my balcony furniture is so fun for me LOL! I like the idea that the place I live in grows with me and is a collection of places I’ve been and where I am now!

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of times I struggle with prioritizing my mental health and taking breaks. It’s hard for me to remember that your mental health is just as important as your physical health - so this is all a work in progress for me! But I think overall, I’ve gotten much better at doing things I find that are good for my mind & soul :)

One Year in Charleston 🦪

I can’t believe I’m writing this! I feel like I just wrote my one year in New York recap. I am so happy to report that I have nothing but positive things to say about my little southern home 🥹 (as you can probably tell by my excessive amounts of photos everywhere lol)!

A year ago I took a massive leap of a faith moving to Charleston barely knowing anyone. I had always wanted to live on a coast and knew that someday I would get there. Moving to the south so far from home made me anxious at first, but having the opportunity to build my own little community with the people I met has been one of the biggest blessings of my life ◡̈

This town and the people in it have helped me realize that I’ll be okay wherever I end up - there’s no need to underestimate myself! Charleston’s beauty is only rivaled by the peace it has given me! I’ve found myself multiple times a week looking around in awe still that I’m even here to begin with.

I’ve had the best first year (and dare I say, am learning to like country music a lot), and feel like I’ve grown a whole lot as a person in this newfound home. I can’t wait for another year in South Carolina!!

Unknowns

I was once told that worries are just fears of the unknown - and if I’m being honest, there’s currently many unknowns in my life. (I’m totally working on not worrying about what hasn’t happened yet but it’s hard for me teehee).

While I know that worrying about things won’t affect the outcome either way, I have to remind myself that I worry because I care.

I know, that sounds insane. But it’s true.

I care a whole lot. I’m sentimental. People, places, things, memories, all have value to me. As crazy as it sounds, I think it’s almost comforting to know that I try my best to put love in the forefront everything I do, including any worries I might have.

Something that recently has kept me going is two words one of my late family members, Jerry, once said. She told me I “had moxie!”

Now, do I know what that is exactly….no I do not! But what I do know is that she always believed in me creatively. She never doubted me amidst any unknowns I would face in my life, and I’ll always admire her for that.

The past month, I was in a little bit of a creative block on my blog. I started to beat myself up over it. Then I realized, I’m only hard on myself because I love to create things. Who cares if it’s perfect, who cares if it’s constant! I can find many different ways to be creative, nobody is keeping score.

Jerry’s words helped me see the bigger picture of my life from the outside in. She saw positivity in any perseverance. There’s joy found amongst the stresses. There will be future joys waiting to happen to us. I think with this mentality, my worries about anything in the future don’t seem as big :)

Your Story

The other day, I was on a walk reflecting on life (cause why would I walk in peace), and I started to the ink about the different choices I’ve made throughout my life that have led me to the present.

I know I’ve definitely talked before on here about how life could be looked at like it’s all connected, but recently I’ve found comfort in how connected everything truly is!

For example, I always think about how if I hadn’t gotten bored one day and turned on a tv show, I would’ve never discovered my current home. If I had never posted a silly video practically begging the internet for friends (so cringey I know, but heck it worked…..twice!!), I may have never met many of the lovely ladies that are now my close friends :)

I think it can be comforting to look at life like it’s a series of choices that lead to different paths. Not in an intimidating way like, “if you make the wrong choice, this or that could happen,” but rather, the kind of way that opens new doors.

It’s difficult for me to not be in my own head when I make choices in life. I get caught up in “what’s right” and end up thinking about the future too much. Like moving to new places, yes, a ton of things are strategically thought out, but a huge chunk of it is based on gut feelings! Where you think you might like, what you think might sound like a good fit.

I like having the reminder that there doesn’t have to be so much pressure in present decisions. Yes, there’s some luck involved with how decisions and choices play out, but i’ve found the majority of things I worry about are just me second guessing myself. Things often turn out better than I think they will, and if they don’t, then I know I have enough faith in myself to figure things out as they happen.

I think what keeps life interesting is not knowing every opportunity that will result from every choice. All we do know is what feels right in this moment. How exciting is it to know that each day you wake up, your story could change?!

My 4th Birthday

I can’t believe I’m saying this but my blog turned 4 years old a few days ago! While it might seem small in the grand scheme of things, I’m so grateful for the fun and sheer happiness marybeefilms.com has brought me over the years :)

This blog has pushed me creatively and mentally. It has allowed me to experience things I never thought I would - like filming fashion weeks or making fun videos for brands - all well helping me step out of my comfort zone!

I have learned to not let posting on social media be a daunting thing, but rather, something that should be fun. If it’s not feeling fun, or I don’t feel super creative one day, I’ll save it for another day!

Having a creative outlet to share how I see the world and what I’m thinking about has also helped me meet some of my close friends and some new virtual friends! I also love how I now have a little digital diary of experiences I’ve been through over the years. Seeing how things have grown and changed over the years has been a blessing.

I know (yawn, wrap it up), as cheesy as it sounds, if you’ve been following along these 4 years, or maybe we met along the way - I am so thankful for any positivity I’ve received. It truly means the world to me and I can’t wait to continue to grow :)

Moments of Stillness

I’ve started this little routine after work where I go to the same spot and watch the sunset over the bay. It’s a simple action that I look forward to each day :)

I like to think I learn the best about the world through noticing the little things. I watch the water ripple. I watch ships go by. I watch birds chase each other along the horizon line. I watch the palms and Spanish moss trees dance in the wind. I watch the sky change color and the sun set over the Charleston skyline.

I find it interesting that while there’s a stillness in the moment, something’s always moving - whether that be the water, the seagulls, my mind, you name it! I find myself the most creative in slow moments like these.

This little evening routine helps me slow down. I’ve been taking simple moments once a day to look around me and be grateful for the day. While some days are easier to do this than others, but I’ve noticed those little moments of gratitude keep me going. It’s easy to forget the little things, but taking even a minute to slow down has helped me put life in perspective these days :)

Sundays

I used to hate Sundays. They reminded me of everything that had to be done in the following week or all the oncoming responsibilities I had. Now, I love Sundays. I have my routine each Sunday. I know what I like to do to “reset” for the week ahead. Although recently, I’ve noticed something even more important than a newfound like of a day.

I like the calm I feel in Charleston.

Now let me explain this because that might sound a little weird. Being an anxious person, I’ve had to learn how my body responds to situations - what makes me nervous, certain patterns I might notice about myself, etc. I like to think I live a very happy life. However, I hadn’t realized that in the past my body had gotten so used to enduring some form of stress, that I truly didn’t know what it felt like to “even out” and feel calm.

The past few years of my life have been fast. While I don’t have much control over growing up, the adjustments of graduating school, entering the workforce, and moving new places are quick to begin with. I was very used to a self-inflicted productivity mentality. I thought I was failing or ”wasting” my day if I wasn’t always doing something (a very toxic mentality to have I know). As crazy as it sounds, I had to teach myself and my body how to truly relax.

For years, I remember my mom saying to me that one day everything will slow down and I won’t feel like I’m sprinting anymore. Life won’t feel like it’s coming full speed ahead.

As I was driving around today, I took a moment to look around me and realized that I haven’t felt that anxious “running full speed ahead” feeling in a long time. I now take time to enjoy little moments more and more. I do things that make me happy. I appreciate how many changes I’ve gone through the past few years and where that’s taken me. Even on slower days, I find moments of joy much easier than I had in the past - and I feel very grateful to Charleston for that!

While it definitely helps being in such a beautiful environment, and I’m not saying I’ll never feel stressed again, I’m starting to realize that this way of life might be what my mom was talking about all these years. Finally feeling grounded and at peace with the way life is today - not tomorrow, not in a year, not in a couple years. Just feeling good about the present.

I feel blessed to have people in my life that are solid. I feel blessed to finally have that calmer mindset I once thought was unattainable. And I feel very blessed to be in a place that makes me appreciate the Sundays in my life more :)

23 Things I Learned in 2023

A few years ago, I made a tradition out of listing lessons I learned from the past year (matching said year obviously), and it became a favorite blog post of mine to write :) So simply, here that is! 23 things I learned in 2023:

1. Trust yourself

2. Change is hard, but how will you grow without it!

3. Being by yourself is okay - it’s not a waste of time, you make somewhere a home

4. Learning how you relax is important

5. Take yourself on solo adventures

6. Be open to new experiences

7. Be open to new people

8. Speak your mind whenever you can

9. Savor each moment, but don’t let nostalgia take over

10. Fearing the future makes the present less fun!

11. Don’t let mistakes discourage you

12. You’re allowed to be proud of yourself

13. Remember to be happy for how far you’ve come, don’t just focus on where you want to be

14. Rest time is just as important as being on the go

15. Push yourself socially where you can, you’re bound to meet a new friend :)

16. Keep up creativity, but if that creativity shifts into new things, don’t let that worry you

17. It never hurts to ask, the worst they can say is no and you know you tried

18. Your ideas aren’t dumb, but telling yourself they are is!

19. Cherish family, friendship, and those who show up for you always

20. Make note of when you feel your happiest

21. Recognize when you feel not so happy

22. Validate your emotions - you’re not a robot that feels one way all the time

And finally, my favorite advice of all time from my mother I add to each list:

23. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do :)

Wishing you a very Happy New Year and a wonderful 2024 full of exactly what you need! 🍾

New Years Reminders

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season if are celebrating the holidays :)

As we approach the new year, I think a lot of people use this time as a reflection period (I know I definitely do). While I think this can be a great time for looking back fondly on any highs or accomplishments, I think it’s easier for us to get in the mindset of critiquing our past year. It’s easy to think of all you could’ve done differently, things that maybe didn’t go right, etc.

Sometimes I think the internet can get into the mindset of having to become a new person in the next year. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome to set goals for yourself and to begin some things with a fresh start. However, I think this can become toxic to ourselves if we hyper fixate on all the things that have to go “right” in the future.

There’s a saying I’ve seen that goes “If all you did this past year was survive, I’m proud of you.” Obviously, this can take on a bunch of different meanings, however, I think at its root, it emphasizes being proud of where you are. You don’t have to do anything monumental to celebrate you. Your life doesn’t have to be perfect to recognize how far you’ve come along. You’re allowed to celebrate your existence just because.

I think it’s helpful to remember that in the past, you’ve done the best you could with what you were given at that moment. At the present moment, you’re doing the best you can do now. And in the future, when the time comes, you will handle whatever life throws at you in the best way you can.

Starting a new year should not have the pressure of being perfect. It should be a time where you give yourself the grace and space you need to simply start again :)

Life Parallels

The other day, my friend Abbey and I were talking about our lives before moving to Charleston. While we’re close friends now, there were still some things we didn’t know about each other. We came to realize that we had lived extremely similar lives prior to meeting - they almost paralleled each other perfectly!

This got me thinking about “the invisible string theory” the internet is raving about. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s basically the concept of people, places, experiences, etc. being connected from a distance without knowing it (hence the invisible string), and finding each other when the timing is right. I absolutely love this way of looking at life and I think it brings a positive twist on any situation.

I like to think a lot of experiences in my life involve “an invisible string” parallel. I think my friends and I “finding each other” when the timing was right, was no coincidence. I think being drawn Penn State, to NYC, and to Charleston were no coincidences. Sure, not everything in life will have “chance” or “fate” involved, but I definitely think it can be applicable to a bunch of situations.

I believe in due timing, and hard as it is to accept sometimes, I think looking at life like it’s happening for us and not to us, is a beautiful thing. There’s so much beauty for you coming on the horizon, whether that be tomorrow, next week, in a few years - whatever! I think it’s an exciting thing to think about :)

6 Months in Charleston

6 Months in Charleston 🦪

I recently realized I’ve now been a Charleston resident for a little over 6 months - woohoo!! I cannot believe how quickly half a year has gone by already. So naturally, I thought it would be wholesome to do a little reflection so far :)

While it’s not a huge amount of time, I’m so proud of myself for taking the huge leap of faith and moving to the south on my own. The trust in myself and growth I feel like I’ve made as a person while being here is something I’ll always be grateful for! So in celebration of victories big and small, here are some things about Charleston that I adore:

For starters, everyone is genuinely so kind here (from what I’ve experienced at least). It truly caught me off guard when I moved here. I was so anxious to throw myself in a completely new environment, but the people really made it so easy! When I tell you Charleston has some of the kindest people I’ve encountered as “an outsider” moving in, I’m being serious. Chalk it up to southern charm if you want, but the kindness I’ve been shown by friends and strangers alike has definitely warmed my heart :)

It’s also a given that Charleston is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been. Living in a coastal town is still so new to me - I can’t wrap my head around living right next to the ocean. The views of the city’s colorful architecture mixed with the scenic marshes and surrounding harbor are unmatched.

While being on my own still has its challenges, moving here has helped me realized I can handle whatever comes my way. So here’s to this beautiful place that has quickly become another home to me 🤍

Getting Cozy

Halloween’s approaching so that means the weather changes, the decor starts to emerge, and the pumpkins are being picked. I really leaned into the whole ~cozy spirit~ this year, so in honor of that, today’s post is a simple one. I compiled a few of my favorite fall activities to help get you in the fall spirit :)

Favorite Activities:

- pumpkin picking (a given I don’t have to elaborate here)

- decorating the house in orange (sounds basic but I swear just putting candles out brightens my mood by 1000)

- grabbing some spooky cocktails (my two favorite Halloween bars in CHS so far are Harold’s Cabin and Handcraft Kitchen)

- walking/driving around and looking at all the decor (I swear people go so hard for Halloween here haha)

- pumpkin paint & sip with friends !!

Favorite Movies (for the easily spooked like myself):

- Hocus Pocus

- Halloweentown(s)

- The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

- Twitches (don’t try to judge me here)

and finally… 300+ songs I’ve compiled for autumn:

https://spotify.link/jFo3j9CjPDb

🍁🪵🍂🧸☕️

It’s Fall 🍂🎃🪵

The spookiest of seasons is officially upon us and this year I could not be more excited!

While I’m not a fan of scary movies and scare very easily, I do love all the other aspects of Halloween and fall! I almost have my costumes all together, and will be doing the pumpkin patch festivities in a few days!

I think it’s so much fun to see the internet get all excited about the decorations, the candles, the food, the cooler weather, (and ultimately the outfits lol). Speaking of outfits, since this will be my first warm fall, if anyone has any recs on how to dress please let me know because I’m struggling 😀

The entire concept of warm holidays are also very new to me. I always associate the holidays with colder weather, being from Pennsylvania, so while South Carolina will get cooler, I think it’ll be a fun change having some different weather for Halloween!

I’m so excited to have access to the beach in all seasons as well. It’s 100% my happy place, so it will be an amazing escape from the seasonal sadness that usually gets me in the cold 🥶

I cannot wait to share some more fun, festive activities I have coming up this month :) !! Happy Fall!!

Noticing What You Bring

Last weekend, my friends and I were having one of those deep talks about our lives. What we noticed about ourselves, what we noticed about others.

Almost out of nowhere, I was told what I bring to this world. And that just about made me cry. My friends and I had such wholesome things to say to each other straight from the heart. Things I didn’t notice about myself, things I was shocked they didn’t notice about themselves, and things I didn’t think anyone noticed about me at all!

That’s when it hit me that I don’t nearly tell them what they mean to me enough. Why is it that to some of the people we’re the closest too in this world, we tell them things like that so little?

Now don’t get me wrong, my friends and I are the biggest hypemen for each other out there. We love seeing each other succeed. However, the “deep stuff” or whatever you want to call it, I know for a fact I don’t tell them enough.

So I’m making this a sign for myself to tell those in my life more exactly how much they mean to me. No, I don’t mean a full on soliloquy of heartfelt drama (dear god, don’t scare anyone…). I just mean if I notice something positive, I’m going to make the effort to say what I notice more. Maybe someone doesn’t see it in themselves. You never know who needs to hear it ◡̈

23 !!!

Wowza what a year 22 was!! We had both city girl and coastal girl eras - two different cities, new and old friends, and a ton of happy memories :))))

I’m so grateful for another trip around the sun and for the things I’ve learned about myself this year. In all seriousness, I tried to look up things 23 year olds can specifically do to see if there was anything special and … there quite literally is not! But that’s okay no one likes you when you’re 23 anyways 🤪

My heart is SO full - I had such a great day with my cutie friends! Maria Trizzzz came all the way from NYC to visit too 🥹 We also had such a nice beach picnic on Sullivan’s Island thanks to the Old Village Wine Shop & Gala Desserts !

Can’t wait to see what this year brings!!

Love Exists in You

Here we are, yet another post, inspired by a quote I found on Tik Tok LOL (I once again do not know the original author so if you do pls lmk) and this one made me rethink everything: “i know love is real because i exist and I’m full of it.”

The concept of love is so complex yet so simple. Everyone’s definition of it is different. Everyone’s experiences with it is different.

However, in some way shape or form, we are all searching for it. I’m not necessarily talking about romantic love either. In some sense, everyone is longing (or at least I hope) to have love present in their lives - whether this be feeling loved and accepted, filling your life with the things you love/love to do, being a powerful loving force in the world, etc.

I feel like it’s easy to get down on ourselves about love and how we fit into the concept of it. We’re quick to think love isn’t real or it doesn’t exist when it doesn’t fit the mold of what we want it to at an exact point in time.

When I saw this quote, I realized that it’s a fantastic way to remind ourselves of the good left in the world (even when we may not feel it all the time). We’re always told to look inward at ourselves, but this time, I truly understood what that meant: Love exists in you.

Think about how you have loved in the past - the love you felt for your favorite stuffed animal or your first pet, the love you have for your favorite hobby, or the love you show others each day in little ways. Even in your romantic life, you get up and try to show love to others the best way you can.

I think it’s a beautiful thing that we strive to seek out love in our lives no matter what it costs us. While sometimes it can feel taxing or discouraging (as dealing with emotions is hard LOL), love exists because you exist. We are full of love to give to the world. We also get to keep that love for ourselves. It’s just up to us to remember that it’s there - whether we see it or not 🤍