The Blog
what my brain is thinking today.
You Are Not Alone
It’s true. You aren’t alone.
I just thought I’d come on here and share this message, since life seems to be getting crazy stressful for a ton of people.
These four words are super easy for me to forget in a world full of COVID. Right now, it seems like just when things are starting to get better, something gets 2x worse. It’s super easy to feel lost and alone - trust me, I’m feeling it as I type this!
But these words have kept me going. Remembering that everyone is in this battle simultaneously and that we have each other to talk to (safely, that is) is the little comfort we have at the moment.
So I just thought I’d mention, if you feel alone or like nothing is going right, pleaseeee reach out to me!! I’m always ready to listen and any and all my forms of messaging are open to you. Talking to you about your life would definitely help me get my mind off mine, so you’d be doing us both a favor! If you don’t want to talk about your stress, that’s fine too! Whatever you need, I’m here. And I mean that.
❤️This fight isn’t over, but I think it could be more bearable if we talk though what we’re experiencing!
Making a Movie
Today I received the official movie poster for my first big film The Bucket List!!
I’m so so excited to announce that we have officially wrapped production and are almost done with the editing process as well!! I’ve learned so much this summer and I thought I'd share a few things!!
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is to be patient with myself and the process. Since I chose to do all the writing, directing, cinematography, and editing, I KNEW going into the project that it would be stressful at times. But I honestly can’t thank the cast of the film for all your hard work and for making my job easy - you’re truly the best! ❤️
I’ve also learned to be okay with scenes not working out, multiple drafts being made, and original visions being altered. This happens ALL the time and shouldn’t be anything to worry about!!
All in all, the process is still not finished and I’m so grateful for the support and enthusiasm I’ve received for the film!! Your feedback means the entire world to me :)
The Bucket List will be coming early this fall so keep an eye out for the premiere countdown!! ☺️❤️
All Natural
Here’s a photo of me in sweats, no makeup on, no fancy photo edits. Just me sitting on a little green chair making an…….odd……face….
Today I was thinking about that corny quote (like CORNY quote, I’m warning you in advance) that says “Surround yourself with people who feel like sunshine.”
Why was I thinking of this specific quote? I have NO idea! But it reminded me of the people in my life who help me feel the most like myself. When I’m around certain people, I get the same feeling of comfort these sweatpants bring me (…no not literally, but you get what I mean).
I put a lot of value in being able to be myself around others, so when I’m with those who bring out that feeling, I hold onto it!
I think there’s so much emphasis today on being perfect, acting perfect - images are constantly being put into our brain of what’s accepted and what’s not. Acceptance sometimes feels like a guessing game.
What I’m trying to say is, the moments in life when I’m with people who allow me to be completely and utterly me are so special. It’s almost like time stops for a minute. There are certain people I know that can instantly walk into a room and give me that sense of belonging, and that’s pretty amazing in my opinion!
Recently, I started thinking about how I wanted to make this a goal of mine. To make someone feel comfortable with being them self by also just being myself is what I can only hope for! ❤️
The Thing No One Talks About
As most people are aware in today’s world, and especially in college, there’s a big emphasis on the “hookup culture.” Us college students hear this phrase thrown around all the time, but I was actually curious to hear what other people thought about the subject…like really thought.
Now I’m very indifferent to this. People are allowed to make the choices they wish for themselves. So I thought it would be best to branch out and ask some friends their opinions about it - because a different perspective would be more interesting (big shoutout to those who participated in my survey btw ❤️). So I asked them a series of questions and thought the results were worth sharing!
Throughout the questions, I noticed that most people responded that the “hookup culture” was very prominent, and would only continue to grow overtime. Most were split on whether or not the hookup culture now is good or bad for young adults. The overarching theme I got from the responses was that as long as young adults are safe about their choices, this culture could be a good way for people to meet one another, learn more about what they want in a partner themselves, etc. However, I also got the sense that people worry this culture could allow space for trust issues as well.
I personally thought it was cool how each person’s response had a well-thought out reasoning based on what they personally value for their own relationships.
Overall, the “why” factor of this topic definitely isn’t talked about often and I think that should be changed!
What My Shirt Says
Recently, it’s come to my attention that I don’t take compliments very well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super appreciative of them, I just don’t know how to respond sometimes!
When receiving a compliment, I noticed I just say thank you and swiftly change the subject. I feel like I constantly get caught between not wanting to sound cocky while also not being ungrateful. This leaves me with the result of feeling awkward when a real compliment occurs...and I have no clue why!
Now I’m sure this sounds ridiculous (like mary, just take the nice thing and move on), but honestly it’s helped me realize something. While I may be thinking I’m horribly awkward when taking a compliment, I bet nobody even notices that (unless, ya know, I forget how to form words lol)!
I love giving out compliments to people, and I don’t think twice about how they respond because selfishly, I like the way complimenting others makes me feel (not saying that I’d just blindly give out a compliment without meaning it either)!
We remember what we say to others, and what others say to us. In the moment, sure, I might feel like I’m an awkward potato. But in the long run I’m gonna remember that compliment and how it made me feel, not how I fumbled on what to say next - and the person who gave the compliment will remember how they felt too.
What I’m getting at here is exactly what my shirt says. Tell your people you love them! Give out compliments when you mean it! I can guarantee you you’ll make someone’s day. And in the mean time, I’ll do some extra work trying to become less self-conscious about everything I do! 😋
Toss, Toss!
Today is the day.
I’m giving you a free pass to let go of what’s been on your mind! Whatever’s bothering you, toss (toss) that over your shoulder! Do something fun!
In my last post, I discussed being okay with feeling every emotion. I want to clarify that this is great for some days, but we also need a healthy amount of fun on other days too!
So do something fun today, I command you! Dedicate time to do something silly and don’t take yourself too seriously - just for today. Laughing at yourself is healthy, trust me!
A Different Time
Today’s post is a little different from my others. I usually try to keep the blog very optimistic and focus on the positives of our given situation.
But I’d be lying if I said corona didn’t upset me…
Now yes, on one hand that statement sounds like a no-brainer - this virus is making everyone upset! And on the other hand, it could even sound selfish to complain about it.
But the reality is, there are many days where I do feel sad. I realize that it will take awhile for things to even feel “normal,” while I acknowledge that things will never be the same.
I’m also trying to come to terms with being sad. If there’s one thing these past 6 months have taught me, it’s that the sad days come in waves. I think most people try to avoid being sad at all costs, even if this could be more harmful for them in the long run.
Now I know I’ve written before about allowing myself to feel every emotion and working through sadness - but this is my reminder to myself, and you, to actually give ourselves a break. We get down on ourselves so fast when we’re not in a perfect, happy mood all the time!
I chose this photo above to remind myself of a time when corona wasn’t around. Cece and I would take late night trips to the grocery store (for icecream of course) without masks and goof off. And yes, that does make me sad!
But guess what, that’s okay! Feel sad (me reminding myself)!
As tough as it is to deal with, we shouldn’t be ashamed to have emotions during, dare I say, one of the most emotional times in history so far! A lot of things are happening right now, and if we don’t allow ourselves to feel during this time, we’re only sabotaging ourselves in the future.
Take in Your Sun!
Personally, I feel myself in a better mood on days where the weather is nice. I love soaking up the sun and being outdoors on a nice day.
However, recently I’ve been working on making each day - regardless of what the weather is - a wonderful one! If you spend your day in the right mindset, you’re bound to have at least one positive part to your day :)
Obviously like many things, this is easier said than done, but something that helps me put things into perspective is the power we each have. As corny as it may sound, you have the power to create “the sun” you wish to see! Read that sentence again.
Now I’m not saying each day will be absolutely perfect, so don’t get down on yourself if you’re not happy 1000% of the time (we’re human, we’re not supposed to be). All I’m saying is, with a little extra effort, you have all the power to mold each day into a great one - what an awesome thought right?!
My Style
This post idea is brought to you by the one and only Molly Gaffney (thank you love)!!
Molly asked me to talk a little bit about my clothing style and how I express myself through clothes! I think this is an interesting topic to cover because I personally think my clothing “style” is super broad! You can find me in a sundress and wedges or a big tshirt and sweats (and I could NOT forget about the iconic tennis skirt too hehe)!!
I don’t consider myself a super fashionable person, but I do find different clothing trends interesting! I find it cool how different articles of clothing cycle in an out year to year, season to season.
For example, I asked my mom the other day if it was weird for her to see styles like flare jeans and scrunchies come back. Even though she said she was used to older trends coming back by now, it did make me think about what styles today would come back labeled “vintage” when I’m an adult. Will tube tops and ripped jeans be considered “vintage” in the future? Who knows!
So I guess my answer to how I use clothing to express myself is: it depends on the mood I’m in! If I’m simply bored or in the mood to dress up, I will! If I want to feel comfy, I won’t hesitate to throw on a groutfit and call it a day!
My “Type”
Recently, I was asked by some friends what my “type” was. Not gonna lie, I was a little taken aback by this question because I’ve never really been asked it! Plus, I’ve surprisingly never even thought hard about it!
So what is my “type”of guy? Do I even have a “type?” After throwing the idea around in my head for a little, I’ve come up with a few things I thought a guy I might be interested in pursuing should have (does that even count lol).
I definitely value kindness and compassion towards others above anything. If you’re a rude human or don’t consider others, it’s an automatic turnoff for me. Simple.
But there are some other things I’ve thought of that I think are notable too. I find myself more comfortable around those who have a good sense of humor and are able to laugh at their own mistakes. I think being able to own up to being wrong is rare these days and I would definitely value that over someone with too much confidence.
I also noticed that I drift towards those who are able to hold a conversation. Don’t get me wrong this is super hard. And this doesn’t mean that if you’re a naturally shy person that I’m gonna shun you or something either (trust me when I say I probably come off hella shy when you first meet me). I just mean that if our entire conversation feels like an interaction with a substitute teacher....then perhaps I’ll walk away.
Finally, one of the most important things for me is for the person to make me feel like I’m worth their time (let me explain that lol). Now I’m not in ANY way saying that I’m some queen of Genovia or whatever. I don’t mean for you to drop everything and bow down at my feet (that would be weird af too). I just mean, if you want to talk to me, tell me! I personally think “playing hard to get” is stressful at times and irritating to both parties. I’ve found that those who are straightforward with me and are easy to communicate with are such gems!
Now if you’ve made it this far, you may be wondering what the point of me sharing all this with you is. And honestly, there is none! Call me picky or that I have “high standards” I guess, but I just think it’s nice for me to have a place to vocalize my thoughts and maybe give you some things to think about too! And who knows, maybe I do have a type after all!
The Path
Sometimes it feels like there’s never any good news on our medias. The places we could once go for mindless escapes are now flooded with distressing news. (And obviously, we need this news, and I don’t mean to devalue the media in any way - most of the time we need to hear these reports).
However, I’ve found it hard sometimes to escape the stress of reality. But the moments I’ve felt the most at ease are when I spend time with family and friends.
In this ever-changing path of life we’re on, a huge constant for me has been those people in my life who have supported me and loved me for who I am.
My friends and family make life feel normal, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. I know no matter what turn life throws at me, they’ll be there for me - and that’s such a gift!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I just wanted to take a second to thank those who are constantly there for me. You bring a smile to my face everyday I’d be lost without you. I hope you know how much you matter to me :)
Beach Dwellers
Often when I go to the beach, the first thing I notice are the personalities around me. I observe people in their own little worlds, having their own conversations (and honestly sometimes I tune into the convo...nosy I know.... but I can’t help it I’m curious)!
Over the years, I have definitely noticed patterns in who I see. For example, there’s always a group of college boys playing games, making them look WAY more intense than they are (sorry not sorry). Have no fear though! Right there with them is usually a group of girls as well, talking extra loud about what Chad said Vanessa said to Brittany etc. etc.... And finally, my personal faves.... the frequent young couple or family with little kids getting into trouble and running everywhere.
As I sit here and watch them (lol kinda creepin woops), I notice myself commenting on the boys’ egos, the girls loud talking, and the young couple’s parenting style. I find myself drawing all these conclusions about people based on the my one interaction with them that day.
This got me thinking, I wonder what people think about me when they see me out and about? Have you ever wondered what people think you’re all about as you sit there too? Do I look friendly? Do I have a bad RBF? Do I look like I’m 12? I’ll never know!
I find it so interesting how human beings are constantly “judging” each other through quick glances, without even knowing it (and when I say judging I’m not talking about it in a negative way, I just mean a surface-level, quick assumption).
Regardless of who they are and what they’re doing, Ill always respect these beach dwellers because I’m one of them too!
My Blue Shoes
When’s the last time you got excited about something?
Like ....genuinely excited?
I know quarantine has taken a toll on everyone mentally and physically, so I know it might be difficult to think of something truly exciting that has happened to you. I know each day seems similar to the next, and although things are slowly returning, it can still be hard.
I realized my “exciting” moment was when I won a shoe giveaway. Yes, I won this blue pair of shoes and I’m obsessed with them! As silly as it sounds, waiting for this pair of shoes to come in the mail was genuinely exciting for me, I feeling I know a lot of us may be lacking these days.
So I decided to challenge myself to make each day exciting, no matter how big or small. I try my best to think of something to look forward to each day, and honestly it’s been so fun! I can definitely tell my mood has improved too!
So I challenge you now to make each day as exciting as it can be! Whether this is reaching out to a friend, splurging on a new coffee drink, or literally just taking pictures of your cute shoes haha. I think we can all benefit from giving ourselves a mental break once a day!
(Also: big thank you again to Linea Paolo shoes❤️ - I’m wearing their sky blue suede MARTA shoes in the pictures above)
The First Impression
Recently, I asked some friends, no matter how long they knew me for, what their first impressions of me were.
Overall, most people told me I seemed nice and sweet! I felt super happy when I heard this and it got me thinking about the emphasis of first impressions in today’s world.
First impressions are kinda scary! I feel like as we grow older, there’s a ton of pressure put on first impressions, whether we know it or not. Whether it’s a job interview, a date, or even just meeting new friends, people often rely on first impressions to decide if they like the person or not.
We’re often told to “be ourselves” but to also be a certain level of “marketable” to others at the same time. And let’s face it ... we’re all awkward humans. Sometimes we can help that, and other times we can’t!
I think what’s important to remember is that you’ll end up where you need to be! First impressions are important, but they’re not the end all be all of our existence! So what if you make the first impression you don’t necessarily think fits you?
Now I’m not saying go make a fool of yourself....but if anything, those who want to and are meant to be in your life will give you more than a first impression to show who you really are - so don’t sweat it!
Also: small side note….isn’t this little village adorable?! My mom and I went to this place a few days ago in one of my recent vlogs (linked below)!
A Maze of a Story
Strap yourselves in, this one is kinda a lot….heh…..
If you know me pretty well, you know that a super distinct trait of mine is, and always will be, how bad my knees are LOL!
I’m that girl in gym class with the leg brace on…but like actually needs it. Trust me when I say that I used to get SO uncomfortable when I was little having to put it on at school during any physical activity.
This trait of mine has definitely become a running joke in my life, and I’m totally okay with it! I personally think the jokes are hilarious and I make fun of myself all the time! I have accepted that I’ll never be a long-distance runner with my anatomy haha.
In the grand scheme of my life, my knees are a very insignificant problem. While they can be annoying, they don’t usually affect my overall quality of life. I usually need to just be a little mindful when I’m playing sports or walking long distances.
However, what I don’t usually share is how much of a psychological toll these knees of mine have taken on me throughout the years.
I have a condition in my knee joints called patella alta. This is when the knee cap sits abnormally high up on the joint, causing frequent knee cap dislocation (gross I know) or subluxation.
I found out about the patella alta in my right knee when I was about 7 years old. I then came to realize around age 13 that I actually had it in both my knees (boo)!
This means that whenever I perform a physical activity involving my legs ….sadly even walking around normally…..I am at risk of my knee cap spazzing out. I am fortunate enough that my legs tend to subluxate (meaning the knee cap slides out of place and right back into place) more often than dislocate (when they slide out and stay out……once again this is GROSS I know I’m sorry, I’ll stop the explanations now).
ANYWAYS, I’ve always loved staying active - especially when it comes to dancing. However, over the years, my creative little bones have made it very difficult for me to have confidence in myself when it comes to dance.
My knees have created many an injury and painful nights. Over the years, I’ve come to accept that there are certain things I cannot execute as flawlessly as others. There are certain angles my legs physically cannot fully straighten at without subluxation. These have been very hard pills for me to swallow, being I naturally want to try everything and perform it as best I can.
This condition also often causes me a whole lot of embarrassment due to the ways I’ve wiped out in front of others as a result of my knees giving out! When I look back on those moments, I often laugh at myself and cringe at my go-to response of “Oops, I’m just clumsy” to the awkward stares I get instead of explaining myself like I should (I’m weird for that I know, but trust me, explaining the long story gets old after awhile)!
Since I don’t know many with this same thing, I’ve desperately looked for someone my age on the internet that had this condition as well. But when I searched, I could not seem to find them or find people in general talking about this topic. So this had me thinking, why not me?!
Now I know patella alta is pretty rare, so my audience for this would be very tiny and very specific. But honestly, just writing this post was therapeutic for me, since I now get to have all my thoughts in one place about something that has troubled me for so long.
I tend to not share all this information with people because I would always feel like they won’t care or don’t have time for this maze of a story (which is almost never the case in reality).
Now by this point, you may be wondering why I haven’t gotten surgery to fix this once and for all. Well, I have gotten surgery before to try and mend the one knee. I’ve been told the other knee would be a more intense procedure (very intense in my humble opinion). And I also know there’s never going to be a good time in my eyes to get it fixed, with life being crazy as it is.
As much of a hassle these legs have become, I’m constantly battling myself and thoughts like: “Would the procedures be more of a hassle than your current situation?” or “What if the surgeries don’t work in the long run?”
And if I’m being honest, I don’t have answers. I really wish I did!
What I do know is that I’m going to keep pushing to be the best dancer I can be with the legs I was given, even if this means slighting adjusting certain moves to help prevent injury. I’m going to keep working at bettering myself versus focusing on my weaknesses. I’m not going to let this stop me from doing what makes me the happiest. I may know my limitations all too well, but I believe I have new strengths waiting to be uncovered in the future!
Your Window of Opportunity
I think it’s hard sometimes to feel like we have a lot of opportunity during times like these. With so many events and ceremonies being cancelled, it feels like there’s a huge gap in our society at the moment. I try my best to stress positivity, but I know how hard it is to constantly keep your head up.
However, I had a thought about quarantine today that I hadn’t thought before. If you think about it, this is obviously an unprecedented event in history (you’re probably like, yeah Mary we know….and it sucks…..but trust me I have a point to this).
This moment is so monstrous to humanity that I often have myself thinking, what’s next? How is society going to look after we emerge back? We’re all aware that this virus has put everything on hold, but what about when it’s over?
Yes, that can be scary and overwhelming to think about, but you could also look at the opportunities that loom ahead. I have faith that the job market will once again explode! The future really does hold so much promise!
Keeping that hope for the future in mind, I’m telling you that right now is your window of opportunity! You’re picking up so many skills right now and you don’t even know it!
Not only are you learning how to constantly keep yourself entertained, but you’re also learning how to complete work remotely or in a crisis scenario. We as a society are learning how to be more empathetic towards one another. We’re learning how to value the simple things in life and not take things like going to the grocery store for granted. We’re even learning how to deal with our emotions all the time without distractions - which is a huge task in itself!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that while being inside seems grim, there’s so much promise yet to come! Your opportunity is now! You have so much opportunity to keep learning new things about yourself and collect those for future endeavors.
So tell them what you’ve been putting off saying, call that old friend, try that new recipe!
You have all this time, why not fill up your mental resumé and create some new memories for yourself!
Don't Take Life Too Seriously Too Much!
Obviously this is, once again, super easy to say, I’ve found it super helpful to spend each day with a little humor!
Take time to laugh at yourself! In the second photo above, I genuinely was about to drink my coffee like that…. LOL!
If you need a laugh and can’t seem to find it, please feel free to reach out to me and I’ll be sure to send you a funny story or video (and trust me I’ve got a plethora, I collect those like it’s a sport)!!
A Little Sunshine
Today I’m giving you an excuse to take a load off!
The media lately has been so heavy with current events that I thought I’d give you a little break! So I’ve simply listed some cute facts that’ll hopefully make you smile and give you some extra sunshine today :)
Cute Facts:
A man named Jadav Payeng began planting trees in 1979 when he was 16 years old. He now lives in the 1,300 acre jungle he planted which is also the home to a ton of wildlife!
Norway once knighted a penguin.
The voices behind Minnie and Mickey Mouse are married in real life.
The New Years Eve confetti released in Times Square is partially made up of paper with people’s wishes for the future written down. You can submit your wish to be flown in the air on New Years at the Times Square Visitors Center.
South Korea celebrates a Valentine’s Day for single people.
Each year, The Netherlands gives Canada tulips as a gift!
Cuddling helps heal physical wounds.
Cows choose best friends.
A dog’s nose print is about as unique as a human fingerprint.
Some goats, like humans, have accents!
I hope these made your day like they did mine!!
You are Unique
Recently, there has been a ton of internet hype about a particular workout trainer named Chloe Ting. She leads free workout programs that are apparently very effective for most who try it (I can attest)!
Now I’m not one who’s huge on working out, but I like to consider myself an active person! I saw so many good reviews that I thought, why not give it a try and challenge myself (the video is linked below).
I tried a program called the “2 Week Ab Shred.” And let me tell you....it SHREDDED me! Even though I did happen to see results from the program, I learned more about myself than I thought.
I noticed throughout the program that I paid a lot more attention to my body than I had before. Not that this was necessarily a bad thing, but I definitely had to tell myself to stop thinking about what I looked like so much and focus on the feeling good part of it. I started the program with two goals in mind: to challenge myself and to stay in shape for dance.
This got me thinking, our self images are ever-changing day by day. It seems like society constantly changes what they claim “ideal lifestyles” and “looks” are. And while trends are fun and keep life entertaining, I think they shouldn’t effect the way we see ourselves as a whole. I started the specific fitness trend to feel better myself, I shouldn’t have to pick apart my flaws for that!
Overall, quarantine gives us a ton of time to think and pick ourselves apart, but I think everyone needs to be reminded that they are unique and different - and that’s more than okay!
So here’s your reminder: embrace what makes you unique! Don’t pick yourself apart just because you have all this new time on your hands!
What’s An “Influencer?”
In my most recent YouTube video (linked below hehe), I challenged myself to live a day like a social media influencer. This was a super fun day and I recommend you try it too if you have free time btw!
I touched on this before, but it made me think about what makes someone an “influencer.” Obviously, this person would have a large following, but what really creates this following?
I’m sure many people wonder on the daily how people get famous, in what seems like overnight. And honestly, if I could tell you the exact formula of how to, I would! But I really have no clue!
However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from scrolling on social media, it’s that the people I follow the most are the ones who seem the most authentic to me. I think there‘s a huge difference between someone who’s being themself with a camera just in the same room as them, versus someone who’s let the camera consume who they are.
Now I know that’s super easy to say and that there are many factors that could go into this “authenticity” I’m searching for. For example, I know some people struggle with public speaking (myself included) or are camera shy. Someone might have a bigger natural personality and better editing skills, making it easier for them to mask insecurities. Someone else who has a quieter personality and maybe not as strong editing skills could potentially be seen as awkward, even if they are a more authentic person than the previous big personality I mentioned.
These are real struggles people face and I’m aware of that. So I’ve challenged myself to look for the authenticity regardless of the external factors. I know this might sound corny, but I look for the feeling I get when watching a person. I like to think I’m a good judge of character, and if I watch someone who seems like they’re being their true self, I’ll follow them more! Simple as that!
I think people put a ton of emphasis on being perfect and having intense video effects which, don’t get me wrong, are extremely impressive (I’m a sucker for cinematography and special effects). But for me, as long as you’re having fun and being who you truly are, I would value that over editing any day!