Open Arms

Recently, I’ve had some spare time to do some self reflection. As I get older, I feel myself getting better at learning the patterns my emotions can have. I noticed that one of the first things my mind does when it’s given too much time is to ~overthink~ woohoo! 

One of the first things my mind goes to when I overthink is my relationships with people (why - I really have no clue lol). I start to stress over the levels of friendship I have with different people in my life. For some reason, regardless of how hard I try to stop it, there’s always that nagging worry if people in my life care as much about me as I care about them (yes, even the people I know for a fact care too). 

Sometimes I wish I could let people inside my brain so they could see how much they mean to me. I have a laundry list of those who I’d love to let look at themselves through my eyes! 

What it eventually comes down to for me is this: I can’t control how people see me. I never will. And that’s okay! If people want to stay in my life, I’ll know. They’ll show me. They have shown me before. The effort will not have to be forced. 

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll always blame myself first for friendships that didn’t turn out like I planned. And I’m realizing more and more that this mindset is toxic. I can’t force myself to be everything for everybody (as much as I would like to). Effort is a two-way street, and all I can do is my own part of that. I’m giving the world my care with open arms. If the world wants it - it’ll always be here :)