My First Week in New York

Cat’s out of the bag…I moved to New York City to start my working life! And honestly…HUH? I still can’t believe it.

I feel like I’m 6 years old and now I’m working in a big city with a big company… how did this happen?! Little Mary would be in complete shock.

I’ll admit, the past 2 weeks have been the most crazy, fast, scary, amazing, hard weeks of my life so far. Learning to navigate a new city, a new job, new experiences, and all the emotions that come with that is so incredibly overwhelming, but so incredibly beautiful. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to sort it all out!

There have been days where I’ve felt anxious and lonely. There have been days I’ve felt on top of the world. There have been days where I’m homesick. There have been days where I can’t believe this is my reality. As you can see, my emotions have been all OVER the place.

I’d be lying if I said that imposter syndrome doesn't get to me. It sounds dramatic, and it is hard to describe on the internet, but sometimes I feel like I’m not deserving or able enough to live in the biggest city in the country. Sometimes my mistakes get to me…and trust me, just this week alone, I've made plenty of them. I end up being a little too hard on myself.

But that’s when I take a step back. I just got here. There’s no reason I have to strive for perfection. I’ve never lived in a city, let alone one as big as New York, and it’s going to take a minute to adjust. I’m not perfect and never will be. Just like the adjustment of going to college, moving away from home and loved ones and the comfort that they bring is always going to be challenging. But if I never challenge myself, how will I grow?

Instead of being so hard on myself (which is a hard habit to break), I’ve made a little mental list of what I’m proud of: learning how to do a new job, starting to learn the subway and nyc neighborhoods, pushing myself to make some friends here literally straight off the internet (no joke), and taking myself on little adventures and learning to enjoy my own company (when mj isn’t around of course hehe hey bestie).

When I get overwhelmed with change, that’s when I take a moment to appreciate what is solid. What hasn’t changed. Being able to lean on those in my life that know me and support me, especially as someone with anxiety, has been a blessing I can’t even put into words. I even have this little wall in my room here that I filled with photos of those special people that keep me going, to remind myself that I’m not alone. I never have been and never will be. And neither are you. No matter how small you may feel.

I don’t have to have everything figured out right now and neither do you. Just like learning the subway as someone from PA, you learn as you go (LOL). There’s no rush. And let me tell you, it’s a hell of a lot of fun learning as you go along your way :)