Today
I often times feel myself holding back from sharing things that make me upset on my blog. When something goes wrong, I usually tell myself that my issue isn’t as big as someone else’s, therefore, not as important. I think about those who have it worse than me, and start to invalidate my own pain. Obviously, there are those out there with more things they have to deal with than me. There always will be. I am very fortunate and thankful for being on this earth, living my life.
However, this mentality that my pain is not valid because others have it worse is destructive. It’s toxic to myself. There has been an overarching issue in my world that has really taken over the past 10 years of my life, and I want to share it. So today I’m going to, regardless of what my brain tells me. Frick that.
I know I don’t want pity and I want to stay as genuine on this blog as possible, including sharing my bad days. I’m sharing what makes me insecure, because who knows, maybe this message will reach someone.
Today was not like this photo. I actually chose this photo specifically to show that. Today, I spent the majority of the day curled up on the floor, in fetal position, grasping my stomach. I was having allergic reaction number 6789000+, and that seemed to be the only way I could exist comfortably.
When I was little, we started to notice something was up with me. I started having stomach aches constantly. This began a really really long journey to try and figure out what’s wrong with my digestion. A 10. year. journey.
We visited countless doctors, ran all types of blood tests, and even visited the ER. I kept losing weight and we weren’t sure why. The result was finding multiple new food allergies, and stomach lining issues. I switched my diet to discard all the foods I once loved, and began a life as the “allergy kid” that was no fun to take to restaurants (lolol).
I don’t comfortably eat anymore. I get scared to try new foods. I stress over ingredient lists and cross-contamination. I have to be uber aware of food labels. I feel hungry all the time, but when I eat, I feel sick. Like today, I often feel helpless. I have reactions all the time. If I’m being honest with myself, I haven’t gone a day in 9 years without my stomach hurting in some capacity. I get embarrassed having to explain all my medical issues, when I don’t even 100% know we found all of them yet. Something that used to be one of my favorite things ever, sharing a meal with my friends and family, has become a nightmare.
Now why am I sharing all this? Because I know, like today, I feel sad that this is reality. Like today, I feel exhausted after trying to be okay with this 24/7. Like today, I get insecure about this being a part of my life. Like today, I struggle with some not-so-hot days.
But what I also know is that like today, there is so much to be grateful for. Like today, I choose to share with you what I want to share, without worry that it’s not valid or important enough. Like today, I have gotten through everything thrown at my way thus far, thanks to the help of those who love me. Like today, I know the insecurities that affect me, won’t matter to those who truly love me. Like today, I am content knowing that there are many things going right that make life all the more beautiful, and it will be okay in the end :)
So go ahead, share your insecurities, who gives a literal sheet! We all have them, why not talk them out?
