The Blog
what my brain is thinking today.
Makin Some Movies
I just wanted to take a sec to say thank you so much for the love for Abrakazam! We had so much fun working on it, and really appreciate the feedback!
If you haven’t gotten a chance to check it out, it’s linked below! I will also link my insanely talented friends and crew mates’ instagrams: @jack.hemhauser @lex.forge @nolan_hinphy @shannonrossfilms @mattfarrll @partrickmccall @zach.zap @thesammer88 (and of course jason the magician hehe) - you guys are seriously the dream team!!
That being said, I’m super excited to announce that I have started my next project! I will be making a documentary about my hometown, premiering in summer 2021 :) I can’t wait to show you another side of my films, as well as a place that has become so much of who I am!
Thank you a million, once again, and I hope your 2021 is off to a great start so far!!
20 Things I Learned in 2020
WE MADE IT! Like I said, the end of each year always comes with some sort of reflection for me. Since this year was a whirlwind, I thought I’d write down some takeaways to maybe one day look back on & think about!
Being alone is not a waste of time, it’s actually healthy for you.
Focus on what you do have.
Check up on your loved ones.
You can make any day a fun day with a little bit of imagination.
If you appreciate someone, tell them!
Lean into sadness, but do not dwell in it.
You’re doing much better than you think.
It’s okay to feel every emotion to the full extent.
Take the time to listen to the stories of those around you.
It’s okay to be confused about where you are in life - not everything has to be revealed to you at once.
Do not force connections with others. The ones who care about you will make the effort & show you they care.
It’s okay to be be sad about change, no one said change was easy!
Make bold decisions, when necessary. If you want something, go get it!
Learn new skills - it’s fun!
Stop getting inside your head when you’re bored, that won’t help anything!
Be gentle with others, but know how you want to be treated.
Lazy days are OKAY, you don’t have to be a productivity machine 24/7!
Share new music with your friends!!
Be your own cheerleader! You are more capable than you believe!
No matter what happens, you will be okay!!
I wish you a safe & Happy New Year! I just posted my 2020 year recap video on my YouTube (linked below)
It would mean the world to me if you checked it out (no negative vibes I promise)!! Here’s to a wonderful 2021, I’ll see you in the new year!! 😙🥂
Small Victories
As this year comes to a close, I wanted to take a second to remind you to celebrate your small victories.
I’ve noticed the end of each year usually comes with a bunch of reflection for me. I like to think of what I accomplished in the year, and all the events that went down. I also know that for a lot of people, not everything this year was accomplished as planned...and I’m here to tell you that’s OKAY!
I saw a video the other day that hugely put things into perspective. The person’s name was @ally_yost. She said that this year we were faced with some of the most difficult challenges we’ve had in such a long time, and we made it! We have to give ourselves a break right? You can’t compare your productivity of this year to years in the past, when things were not nEARLy as chaotic. What a beautiful way to think!
So, I’ll begin this celebration of small victories. I know I always say this lol, but the other day I just finished making what ended up being one of my favorite videos I’ve ever created....like EVER. I was sitting on my bed at 2am, with a tear in my eye, proud of myself! :)
Even though this could be seen as such a small moment in time, it felt amazing for me, and I think that’s worth something right?! Go ahead, celebrate your small victories! I beg you to be proud of how great you are :)
(on this note, please stay tuned for a HUGE surprise coming to my channel next week, I can’t wait)!!
Almost There!
YOU GUYS! Christmas is in a WEEK!! How fun!!
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I’m curious to know what you think of when someone mentions “the holiday season?”
Since I live in the north, I associate the holidays with snow, family, and cold weather! But I’ve come to realize that this is definitely not everyone’s same idea. Maybe some people are used to palm trees and warm weather (which is hard for me to grasp, but like half the country knows this reality lol).
I also associate Christmas with the feeling of youth I experience. The other day, I asked on my Instagram what holiday activities people loved to do when they were little, that they still love to do today. I got many responses like ‘decorating the tree & baking cookies with my parents’ or ‘watching holiday films & playing in the snow..’
I think it’s safe to say that many other people also associate the holidays with the innocent, pure joy that children so naturally possess. Whether this is relevant to you or not, I am here to remind you today to be a kid again! I give you a free pass to drop those adult rEsPoNsiBiLiTiEs. Go make yourself some hot chocolate, watch some cartoons, give yourself a break! You’ve earned it!
Watching the Snow Fall
Right now, as I write this post, I am looking out my bedroom window, staring at the snow falling!
Ever since I was little, I’ve adored watching the snow fall. Something is so simple, yet so magical, about the little flakes everywhere. Life seems simpler when you’re snowed in on a cold winter night :)
I’ve been battling my emotions (as per usual lol) this winter and taking a second to watch the snow got me thinking deep - so prepare yourself!
The other day, my mom and I were talking and she was sharing her daily wisdom with me hehe. She said something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She said “there’s peace in not knowing everything.” She mentioned how she’s not meant to know everything at all times. Life will unfold and reveal itself in due timing, and she was at peace with that fact.
I decided that I would dedicate my time to try and adopt this mentality. And as I look at the snow, I realized why I find it so beautiful. We never think about a singular flake falling rapidly from the sky and hitting the ground. We don’t worry about where that one flake is on the ground. We look at the big picture and see all the individual flakes falling at once, creating a beautiful scene.
How beautiful is it to think of life this way? I often struggle with wanting to know the answers to my worries right now. I want whatever is upsetting me to be unfolded when I want it to. And that’s simply not how life works! Every struggle in my life has revealed itself to me when it needed to be revealed, not when I wanted it to. Yes, this is an extremely hard concept to accept. Yes, the timing of life makes me mad sometimes. However, like falling snow, when I think of life moments I think of the big picture. I don’t obsess over one little snowflake.
One thing I know is that I’ve made it this far. I don’t know where life will take me or how long I have, but I know that I’ve made it until this exact moment - me sitting on my bed, staring out the window at a snowfall like a little kid. The timing of everything up til now has been up to the universe, and I’m okay. I’m sitting here, alive and well, writing a blog post about snow. I know life will work itself out from here on out, because I choose to look at the big blizzard, not the single flake. ☺️❄️
My Holiday Favorites
As the holidays get closer, I thought I’d simply make a little list of some of my favorite things for you!
To start, I know this holiday season has been a big year for online shopping, and one of my favorite places to shop is my friend Jordan’s brand Earthly (@earthlyfortheplanet on Instagram) ! She sells some super cute, high-quality stuff, ships fast, and is 100% sustainable!! 😍 What more could you want!! I’d definitely check out her brand if you haven’t already - it would make such a cute, one of a kind, gift! I’m actually wearing my new Earthly shirt in the picture above!
Up next is my favorite Christmas tradition. Now my family is big on traditions. We always decorate our tree with funny family ornaments and set up our little Christmas village on our mantle. But my favorite tradition is that each Christmas Eve we watch The Grinch as a family :) It always puts me in such a good mood!
Speaking of, next we have Christmas movies. Now I’m obviously a HUGE advocate of the classics: Elf, A Christmas Story, A Year Without a Santa Claus, but I’d have to say my all-time favorite (like I said above) is the original 1966 How The Grinch Stole Christmas :)
And we CANT forget holiday FOOD!! Our family usually has ham on Christmas, but I’m talking about some sweet treats here. My grandmother makes these TO DIE FOR mini chocolate cheesecake cupcakes and oh my LAWD my mouth is watering just thinking about them!!
Finally, my favorite Christmas song! Honestly, I have SO many wow. I can bop to some Mariah Carey, or I can be found listening to the classic Burl Ives lol! But I think my all-time fave would have to be “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year” by Andy Williams! It always puts me in such a great holiday mood!
Although this Christmas might look a little different than usual, I recommend thinking about your favorites in these little categories! It definitely helped brighten my mood, and I want to know your take on holiday favorites too!! 🎄
The Inward Battle
Why don’t people ever write about the struggles they have? We project these ‘perfect’ images of ourselves online, but are they really perfect if they aren’t authentic?
Well in attempts to reach that authenticity, today I’m gonna write about my struggles. I’m calling it “the inward battle.” Recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve been at war with myself and my emotions. Time and time again, I get mad at myself whenever I feel any emotion other than happiness. I try my best to project positivity 24/7, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I felt like that all the time.
I’ve written before about how I oftentimes pressure myself to not feel sad or overwhelmed by life. I get frustrated when things make me feel upset longer than I hoped they would. However, if there’s anything this year has taught me, it’s to allow myself to lean into sadness and disappointment.
Now this doesn’t mean we should stay there, but I mean lean into it. Allow yourself to fully feel what you’re feeling for some time, and be patient with however long that takes - because if you try to avoid it all together, you’ll end up feeling worse. If the sad thing you thought you were over comes back, let it! Don’t get mad at yourself because emotions take time to work out (trust me I KNOW how hard this is).
It’s okay. You are okay.
This year was so incredibly hard for most of the globe, and you’re handling it like a pro. I promise you!
I love the quote, “Check up on your strong friends.” I think it really does justice to how internalized we all can be, and honestly, have been forced to be during this year. We can’t physically see each other like we used to, so we become our own cheerleaders. But we shouldn’t have to take on everything by ourselves.
Disclaimer: those who you think have it all together, definitely don’t - check up on them once and awhile. The friends you know are struggling, check up on them too! It’s all we have right now. You never know what anyone is truly going through unless you ask. We’re all fighting our own inward battles everyday, the least we can do is help ease someone else’s fight too!
The Bucket List
Where do I even begin!? Thank you so so much to those who came out to both my very first film premieres of my short film, The Bucket List!!
I am so grateful of all the support and guidance I’ve had throughout this process to turn this little idea I had into a movie!
This film is so close to my heart because the production of this film took place during a pretty negative time in history (with coronavirus this year), and help turn the summer into a really happy memory for me :)
Some insider secrets and fun facts about the film are:
The entire film was shot in 2 weeks.
Most of the actors’ scenes (besides Lauren…hehe sorry) were filmed in a day.
The hottest day of filming was 94 degrees - and so humid that the lens kept fogging up!
In the beginning credits of the film, when Lauren is riding on a bike, I was also riding on a bike next to her to get those shots!
The entire film was made using 2 DSLR cameras, no external microphones, and no big tripod.
The characters Dylan, MJ, and Benny were written to match the personalities of the actors ;)
Every ‘bucket list stop’ and some of the characters were named after people I know in real life.
The house titled “Joyce Manor” was actually shot at 2 different locations.
The physical bucket list seen in the film was written multiple different times for different takes!
I can’t express my thank yous enough to the cast of the film, as well as Tierney, my parents, my Uncle Mike, Nick Karafilis, and Jack Garapola for your help!!
To Nicole and Michael, thank you for your dedication to the film and for doing each of your scenes in just a day! And to Cece and Demetri, thank you for braving the heat and being just the right amount of sass we needed ;)
And to Lauren, thank you for putting up with my weak acting directions, getting up at the crack of dawn to film, walking literally who knows how many miles, and for letting me chase you around with my camera this whole summer (and let’s be real 24/7)!! I love you! ❤️ The full film is linked above!!
The Pillow Fight
Am I analyzing a pillow fight - yes I am! Think about the last time you had a pillow fight....probably when you were like 7 years old right?
Even though it’s such a weird concept, remember the genuine fun pillow fights used to be? Just for that moment, you could be as silly as you wanted and no one really cared!
What happened to that? I mean obviously adults aren’t going around attacking one another with pillows (that’d be weird and lowkey creepy HA). But I mean what happened to the moments where we genuinely let ourselves have fun?
Think about how much better laughing can make you feel after a tough day. That laughter doesn’t have to be rare! Go ahead, laugh at yourself!
Our news today is full of extremely heavy topics (and I know you don’t need me to tell you that). But maybe we could go easier on ourselves once in a while! Maybe we could allow ourselves to be that genuine goofball we once were. I think our collective mental healths deserve it! ❤️
Hey Pumpkin!
Happy (almost) Halloween! I named this little pumpkin here Wyatt teehee - check out my story today to help me decide what to do with him!
I’ve been thinking about Halloween and what makes it so fun for society. It’s a night where it’s socially acceptable to play dress-up no matter how old you are! Maybe it’s a chance to be something you’re not. Maybe you’re really into special effects and makeup and this is your time to shine!
Whatever the reason, I’m sure you have some specific memories linked to October 31st. Even though this Halloween might look a little different, let’s work to keep that fun spirit alive! 🕸👻🎃
Spread Ya Wings 🦋
Recently, I’ve been challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone. Whether this is wearing a new outfit, getting better at doing makeup, or even just working on my confidence - I’ve been trying!
Today marked a day where I did something pretty big for myself! As weird as it sounds, I love dancing so much but I hate watching myself dance. I’ve always wanted to post videos of me doing what I love, but I never had the guts to do so.
So I decided today was that day. No matter what it looked like, I would take a video of me improv-ing and post it! And I did (with the encouragement of some friends of course hehe)!
At the end of the day, our insecurities are all in our own heads. I can guarantee you whatever you stress yourself out about, people wouldn’t even have noticed had you not pointed it out. Challenging myself to do little things that I typically wouldn't have the courage to do has been fun (and a great way to combat boredom, in my humble opinion)!!
Cherishing
Idk about you, but my whole life I’ve heard people say “cherish the moment, it goes by so fast!” I’ve heard this quote so many times, I might think about it for a second and then it kinda goes in one ear, out the other.
Obviously, there’s really no way to go to the store and pick up some “cherish now juice” so how do we know if we’re really enjoying a moment or letting it slip by? I think this quote of “cherishing or else” can seem negative if we’re not careful.
I think it’s honestly a beautiful thing that there’s no way to really know how much of an impact a certain moment will have on our lives until it’s done. I think this keeps our lives from being boring and redundant. Don’t get me wrong, fear of the unknown is a real and valid thing, however, I think there’s more beauty in the suspense of moments than we give credit to!
Imagine if you knew every single outcome of every situation you were put in? Like yes, on one end that could work in your favor, but on the other - how boring! There would be no surprise (and you know I LOVE surprises).
This photo is a moment in my life I don’t think I’ll forget. My friend MJ and I randomly went to this hidden waterfall that barely had a location on google maps, and it ended up being one of the most special places I have seen (shameless plug: link in bio to that video btw hehe).
I guess what I mean by all this is, if we never take the risk of the unknown, we’ll never be surprised. And that’s truly what makes life fun!
Happy Coffee Day!
☕️I know I’ve talked about it before, but it’s such a simple thing that brings so much joy to my life! As dumb as it sounds, coffee has remained a constant for my friends and I through both the happy and sad times! I value time with friends so much, especially now, and this time usually happens through coffee meetups! Coffee is something small I look forward to each day, and that’s worth something right?
(also happy holidays to my pals Teddy and Caitlyn, you guys RUN the show today)!
A Window to Pittsburgh
Let me tell you something about my new friends from Pittsburgh. They are 9 completely different people that make up a great whole. They were an unexpected bunch in my life, but they are wonderful. They welcomed me into their lives and their tight-knit high school group without hesitation. I’ve never met such caring people in my life. While we haven’t known each other for long, they’ve been there for me so much, I feel like I’ve known them my whole life. I only think it’s fitting to recognize each person in their own special way.
Caitlyn - Let’s start with who started this all, my love, Caitlyn. Caitlyn and I met as timid little freshmen auditioning for our college dance team. From the instant I met her, I knew I wanted to be her friend. She lights up every room she’s in, and she is the best friend a girl could have. She lifts me up when I’m down, and blessed me with 9 new friends :)
Anna - Next up is Ms. Anna. Now I knew who anna was even before I met her. She was introduced to me as “omg you hAVE to meet my roommate/BFF” by Caitlyn herself. Not gonna lie, I was super nervous to meet Anna (I felt like I had to impress the in-laws LOL). But after meeting her, I knew there was nothing to be nervous about. Anna is the easiest person to talk to in this world. She has a way of instantly making conversation comfortable, and cares for her friends like no other.
Sydney - When I tell you Sydney is one of thEE funniest people I know.....like THEE funniest, I’m dead serious. Sydney always brings a smile to my face. Her passion and dedication to what she loves is so inspiring, and if you ever need a killer eyeshadow look for going out, she’s your girl (the makeup skills are unmatched)!
Tim - TIMMY!!! Truly one of the kindest, most intelligent people I know!! If anyone could save the world...I have absolutely no doubt in my mind tim could! Not only is he good at literally everything he does, but his sense of humor is TOP notch!! He’s such a good person, being around him makes you want to be a better person. And that’s the tea (Tim also laughs at my jokes, and my ego does not let that go unnoticed hehe).
Julian - Julian is the only member of the squad I have not actually met in person! However, he is still one of the most genuine people I’ve (virtually) met. I know for a fact if I needed it, I could tell Julian anything and he’d be there for me, and that’s the mark of a genuine person I’m my mind.
Meghan - Meghan is one of the strongest people I know. She’s been through so much in this life, but doesn’t let that stop her from being there for her friends and putting their needs before her own. After only meeting Meghan once, I (once again) felt like I’ve known her my whole life. She’s one of those ride-or-die friends, and she gives the absolute BEST advice!!
Bryan - Even though Bryan and I had an ...interesting ....start to our friendship (lol), he has become a close friend of mine. You can always find him cracking jokes and making situations comical. But what I think is most notable about Bryan is his ability to be serious when times get tough. He’s always one of the first people to notice somethings off, and send a heartfelt message - and that’s pretty cool!
Aaron - Once again, someone I have only met once (which honestly blows my mind). Aaron has become one of my closest guy friends. Not only does he make me laugh like no other, but he has an incredible gift for listening. I could call him with any issue, and know he’d be there for me. I don’t know how he does it, but his heart is bigger than anyone’s I’ve met (even if he won’t admit it haha).
Pier- In the ways of my little sister, allow me to scream, PIER! Pier is honestly the most positive soul I’ve ever met. I’ve rarely ever seen pier without a smile on his face. Pier will say things under his breath that are so funny it takes me a minute to process them. Even on tough days, pier is there for you, adding some humor to your day (usually with a roast for the other boys).
Now whats the point of this big long “ode” to my friends you may ask? There really isn’t one besides me being grateful for the new people in my life. All these personalities together make up such a fun group, and I wouldn’t trade their support and care for anything! So thank you, Pittsburgh, you’ve brought me more joy than you know!
Tell your homies you love them everyone :)❤️
Coming Soon!
Here are some still shots from my upcoming movie, The Bucket List!! We will have our premiere date suuuuper soon, so keep an eye out for it!! I can’t wait to share it with you! 😘
A Piece of My Mind
I thought that title was clever teehee….I have the humor of a 12 year-old I know….anyways….
Today I was doing some sociology homework, and I thought about my mind….I know SCARY.
Anyways, our lesson this week had me thinking about what my core thoughts are on the daily. What consumes my thoughts? Where does my mind wander to when I’m bored? Life moves so fast, I’ve never really sat down and analyzed what the bulk of my thoughts were, so today I did!
I started to notice that there were definite recurring thoughts on my mind, as well as the obvious day to day thoughts. I also noticed that my recurring thoughts weren’t necessarily the most positive ones either. I wanted my mind to be filled with excitement for the future and gratitude for life now. Instead, I found myself having those lingering worries about my general health and wellness (as I’m sure most people have currently, I know that’s not so special), as well as letting my insecurities build up in my head. I even had one of those “am I enough” moments we all go sadly through (the answer is obvi that you are enough by the way, don’t get it twisted)!
I’m glad I took the time to realize what lives “rent-free” in my mind, because I’m now gonna make a better effort to free myself of those stresses and spend more time looking forward to things. I’m not saying I’ll miraculously flip the switch and never stress again…like I would if I could haha….
While I know it’s pretty much impossible for anyone to not have worries, I know that with a little more push on my end, I can learn to give myself a break now and then from the heavy things in life!
Feeling Forgotten
After reading through my page recently, I noticed that the themes of my posts seemed inconsistent. Some days I stressed positivity and flipping our perspectives, and other days I got a little deeper and talked about embracing sadness.
I then found myself starting to stress about the fact that I write about a bunch of different ideas. However, after talking to my good pal Meghan, I was reminded to feel every emotion to its fullest. Feelings, especially during these times, are valid and real, so why not let them do their thing?
So on this note, I’ve decided to be okay with the fluctuating moods of my posts.
This brings me to my post tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, today I had a feeling of being forgotten. Now I know this is simply not the case, however, it’s how I felt in the moment today. I felt invisible today and I’m not even sure why. I even pressured myself into not feeling that way, but that didn't seem to work either!
That’s when I saw a quote on Instagram that was almost scary-relevant to my emotions. It said, “I am choosing to trust: I have not been forgotten.” And that’s just what I needed to hear.
Everything right now seems so internalized, it’s easy to get in our own heads…and honestly…that’s okay! If you’re feeling invisible or forgotten, I hope you know you are not alone. Learning to deal with our ever-changing emotions is SO hard, and I hope you know that I care (and that I am probably feeling the same emotions as you are)! Please remember to let yourself be human once in a while, and I will do the same :)
Flipping My Perspective
I think it’s safe to say that recently life has never been more stressful for most of us. Dare I say, life seems upside down at the moment….(sorry I had to reference the photo rip)!
Something that’s been helping me through this time is talking to one of the most important people in my life, my mom!
My mom’s big motto is to look at life from a different perspective. She helps me frame situations in the most positive ways I can, and I honestly have no idea how she does it - she’s a superhero like that!
Even though life seems like nothing but bad news sometimes, there’s still so much that hasn’t gone away during the pandemic. There is still joy, there is still things to look forward to, even though they might look a bit different.
My main point is that we can choose each day to focus on things that we’re passionate about. We can choose to filter out what makes us feel stressed and focus on things that make us excited!
Let me repeat that this will not and is not easy by ANY means….but at least trying to flip your perspective (for even a moment) is a step forward and it definitely deserves some recognition on your part!!
Please be kind to yourself and your mind during this time, you’re doing the best you can!! 💕
Happy First Day!
I know a bunch of schools had their first day today, so if you went back to school today or are going back soon, I hope you have a great first day!!
Today marks the start of my junior year in college…..and….I reallyyyyy can’t process that lol!
Even though my day was all virtual, I’m excited for the new school year! So here’s just a corny little post wishing you well this year ☺️❤️ (I also have some fun videos coming soon, so keep an eye out for those)!!