Why I Do What I Do

Recently, there’s been a tik tok trend going around where people talk about the reasoning behind the way they do things. I think it’s a super wholesome trend so I thought I’d share some of mine on here :) 

- I’ll always take the bottom bunk bed because my 2 sisters always preferred the top bunks. 

- My lucky number has always been 14 because when my friend and I were little, we were obsessed with high school musical and since that was Troy Bolton’s jersey number, we made it our lucky number. 

- I’ve always slept with one foot inside the covers and one foot outside the covers because I found it the most comfortable. 

- I don’t like ordering spaghetti at restaurants, because I know it won’t taste as good as my grandmother’s homemade sauce. 

- I’ve always liked being the middle child because I got to experience being both an older and younger sister. 

- I love having friends at our house, because my parents always hosted gatherings at our house growing up. 

- Ever since I was little, dresses have been my favorite thing to wear because I feel like a princess in them :)

- I think old music from the 50s/60s is really comforting because we’d always have it playing throughout the house during holidays. 

- I always say “love u” to my parents before going to bed because they always said that to me, and if I don’t say it back, I feel uneasy. 

- Daffodils will always be considered “daffy down dillies” to me, because @lbonino6 called them that when she was little. 

Feel free to share yours, I love learning about what makes people who they are today :)

You’ve Come So Far

The other day, I found myself getting stressed about my productivity. I was worried that I wasn’t doing enough, or experiencing enough. I started to stress myself out about everything that I felt I wasn’t. 

It wasn’t until my bestie bean Teddy reminded that it’s okay to not being doing stuff 24/7. He told me he was proud of everything I’ve done and have been doing up until now. He said he saw how hard I’ve been working (❤️). 

And that’s a weird thing for me to say, because I really don’t believe it often. I always put the pressure on myself to do more - and I really don’t know why. 

So here’s a little reminder that I have to get better at remembering: it’s okay to give yourself a break once in a while. Obviously, we should push ourselves to grow and move forward, but it’s also okay to reflect on what we already have accomplished. We should give ourselves credit where it’s due, and not feel bad about that! 

If you think you should do more, be more... think of this first. You’ve come so far. What have you already done, what are you right now? Cause whatever it is, is something to be proud of :)

The Finish Line

As the semester comes to a close, I’ve been feeling a mix of emotions. Relief, from all the semester stress and work. Sadness, since my senior friends will be moving on soon :( And finally, nostalgia, as I’m becoming that college senior 😦...like who let that happen..

However while I’ve been going through all the feelings, I’ve started to notice how isolating it can be to approach the semester finish line. Each semester brings new change. It’s hard not to feel invisible. It’s hard not to feel unsure when life feels unsure, in the transition periods of your life. 

What I’ve been reminding myself is that, as draining as this semester and these emotions have been, I know I’m not invisible. I know I’m not unsure of myself. I might feel worn out, but I owe it to myself to continue to grow. To continue to care. Whatever challenges are on the horizon, I know I’ll be okay. Little reminder that all we can be is ourselves, and that will always be good enough :)  

My Tea Party

(okay disclaimer I know it’s not tea in my hands but let’s just pretend)

When I was little, one of my favorite activities was making “tea parties!” According to my mom (she remembers a little clearer than my 4 y/o brain lol), I’d set up an intricate little table for all of my stuffed animals and dolls to sit at and ~have tea with~ And of course, my family members were frequent VIP guests (I can only imagine how many tea parties my parents sat through lol sorry mom & dad) 

Now you may be asking yourself, why is she talking about a tea party right now....

These little moments of imagination always brought me so much joy.. and like... in a silly way! In essence, why was that so fun? And I think it obviously has to do with the fact that ... I was four... but also that I wasn’t taking life too seriously! I mean literally how could I at that age!

I saw a little post today that was talking about how we should remind each other exactly why we appreciate one another, because we all could use that right now. After such a taxing year, I’ve found myself feeling burnt out more and more. It’s easy to think of all the things that could’ve been or should’ve been. It’s easy to think of all the things we wish we were or were not. I know I talk about this a ton, but it’s not like the topic has gone away right! 

I think instead of trying so hard to “avoid” thinking about what has gone, I’m gonna accept it. I’m accepting what has come and gone, even though I know that will take me some time. I’m choosing to look at life through the eyes of my 4 y/o old self....just excited to throw a tea party! We should remind ourselves to cut ourselves a break and be reminded that our goofy selves are still there, despite all the challenges we’ve overcome together :) Go be silly, go do something you love just because you can. You are more than deserving of it!! 

So here is my formal invite for you to come join my tea party! You are more than welcome, I’ll even save you a seat 😋

The 1st Birthday

I remember where I was sitting and exactly how excited I felt. I had vaguely thought of making a blog for years, but I never truly had the time to sit down and consider doing it before. 

April 4, 2020 - roughly a month into global quarantine. I was feeling super antsy and bored out of my mind (lol I really thought I knew boredom then huh...) So I decided to FaceTime on of my best friends and favorite humans, Teddy, for some much needed serotonin hehe ;) 

We got to talking about life, and I randomly mentioned to him how I’ve always wanted to start a blog. He paused and all he said to me was....”do it.” We ended up facetiming for 4 hours, as I created the website, and that was that!

Here we are a year later, and I owe him a huge thank you. This blog has become one of my favorite creative outlets. I love sharing my thoughts in the moment and having a kind of digital diary for the future! 

Writing about whatever’s going through my mind and sharing it with you has been such a cool experience - and I really appreciate the feedback I’ve gotten along the way :) This blog has brought me so much happiness this year, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds! 

So thank you to Teddy and those who read my crazy thought processes each week and share their own thoughts with me :) I love you very much!! 

Also, to those who are celebrating it today, I wish you and your families a very Happy Easter!! 🐣🐰 Summer’s just around the corner!!

Stop Scrolling!

Halt! I got something exciting to share with you today :D We got big plans for the summertime!! 

Like I said earlier in the year, my documentary about my hometown will be premiering in the summer. 

BUT ALSO.... I’m currently in the process of filming a fun little short called “Convergence,” that will also be coming out over the summer!!

So keep ya eyes peeled for 2 mary bee films projects coming your way ;) I’m so excited! More info as we get closer to come!

You Measure Up

Sometimes I find myself falling into the mindset that the problems I face aren’t as ”valid” as others. I start comparing what I go through to the separate journeys of those around me. Often, I even hesitate to talk about what’s on my mind, because I feel like whatever it isn’t “big enough” to share. 

This cycle of “comparing” how your issue could be “measured up” to someone else’s doesn’t do us any good!  Simple as this: if it bothers you, it’s worth something! 

Your emotions are valid. Nothing is too unimportant to share. If anyone makes you feel or has made you feel otherwise in the past, they are wrong. You measure up just by being here right now. 

And I truly hope that’s something you never forget ❤️

Open Arms

Recently, I’ve had some spare time to do some self reflection. As I get older, I feel myself getting better at learning the patterns my emotions can have. I noticed that one of the first things my mind does when it’s given too much time is to ~overthink~ woohoo! 

One of the first things my mind goes to when I overthink is my relationships with people (why - I really have no clue lol). I start to stress over the levels of friendship I have with different people in my life. For some reason, regardless of how hard I try to stop it, there’s always that nagging worry if people in my life care as much about me as I care about them (yes, even the people I know for a fact care too). 

Sometimes I wish I could let people inside my brain so they could see how much they mean to me. I have a laundry list of those who I’d love to let look at themselves through my eyes! 

What it eventually comes down to for me is this: I can’t control how people see me. I never will. And that’s okay! If people want to stay in my life, I’ll know. They’ll show me. They have shown me before. The effort will not have to be forced. 

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll always blame myself first for friendships that didn’t turn out like I planned. And I’m realizing more and more that this mindset is toxic. I can’t force myself to be everything for everybody (as much as I would like to). Effort is a two-way street, and all I can do is my own part of that. I’m giving the world my care with open arms. If the world wants it - it’ll always be here :)

We’ll Be Alright

Some days, I have a lot of info to give you. I feel inspired and I write whatever is on my mind.

Other days, like today if I’m being honest, my mind is running a million directions. I don’t know how to put my thoughts into words. I don’t feel as inspired. I was even hesitant to post this photo, because I was focused on how wrinkly the sweatshirt looked LOL.

However, what’s important is the saying that’s on my shirt. It’s from one of my favorite songs ever. “We’ll be alright” is a phrase that’s getting me through hardship currently. It’s a phrase that is so simple, yet so powerful in its message. When I feel isolated or lonely, I go back to this saying because I know that beautiful things come out of struggles.

So my message for you today is simple: we’re going to be alright. Whatever you’re going through, whatever I’m going through - we got this. There’s nothing we can’t overcome. And I wholeheartedly believe that. 💕

Me vs. Me

I’m going to be transparent. Here is a photo of me smiling, feeling happy, posted on a day when I don’t necessarily feel that way inside.

Could this can be taken as misleading - yes. But what I really mean by it is, a simple reminder to myself that whatever I’m feeling today is temporary. I could be feeling one way tomorrow and completely different the next - who knows!

Obviously happy feelings don’t last 24/7, but that means crummy feelings won’t last forever either! Me today vs. me tomorrow could look a little different or super similar and that’s okay! I think that’s pretty cool way to process emotions, right? :)

Curveball

Simply put, this life keeps throwing me unexpected turn of events.

In all honesty, this year I’ve had to face, head-on, some of the hardest life lessons yet. I have processed new emotions I didn’t know I had, and have learned more about myself, my friends, and my family more than ever before.

In the mess of this all, I have noticed myself more and more desperately trying to grab on to something. Anything stable, really. I’ve even tried to force myself to be that stability I’m looking for so bad. But then I realized that this wasn’t a great way to look at life.

Side note: I am so fortunate enough to have found that stability within my loved ones (you all know who you are - don’t worry I didn’t forget you). I am blessed with some of the best people there are. Truly.

However, I’ve realized that i still sometimes try to pressure myself. And if I go about life pressuring myself to find stability in any given situation, I may be disappointed. Life is not stable. Every minute is not given. I talked before about how we don’t have to be happy every second of the day (obviously, I’m still struggling w this one lol). What’s the point in stressing myself out about being my own constant rock, when I don’t have to think like that?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, while there is so much I do not know, and much that I cannot change, I am working on what I can do - and I’m gonna encourage you to do the same.

Whatever you wish to start, do it today. Whoever you want to make up with or reach out to, do it today. Whatever is blocking you from where you want to be, address it now.

We only have so much time with one another. Who knows what curveballs lie ahead. But right now, in this moment, I’m going to thank you for sticking with me through this journey. I love and appreciate you very much. You matter to me, and I hope you always know that. ❤️

-mar

Moments I Wish Would Last Forever

Tonight I was feeling nostalgic, but I wasn’t sure how to translate that into words. Then my lovely friend @coribatt said something that made me think of this topic! 

I’ve been making little videos of things that I love about life recently, and I’ve really enjoyed making them! They really help me take a step back and appreciate the little things in life. 

I then realized that I’ve had a list on my phone for a few years titled, “things that make me happy,” so I thought I could expand upon that idea and share those with you tonight! What I’ve listed below are moments that I wish could last forever :) 

-the sky after a fresh snow

-unexpected letters or notes from friends 

-laying in the grass and watching the clouds move slowly/stargazing at night

-taking the long way home to drive to that song that just feels right 

-driving in the fog on a sunny morning (s/o @coribatt )

-watching sunsets with people you love 

-meeting up with a friend for coffee (I miss u @teddy_cebulski )

-the smell of an old book

-the smell/sound of breakfast being made downstairs

-long hugs with an extra squeeze at the end

-watching old Disney movies after a long day w the lights off

-riding bikes at the beach

-listening to birds chirp on a summer day

-surprises

-falling asleep to the sound of rain after a long day

-the feeling after you shower after a long day in the sun

-watching people laugh so hard they can't breathe 

-listening to my grandmother’s laugh

-having someone tell you how proud they are of you

...and if no one told you today, I’m very proud of you!

For Pop Pop

Today’s post is very close to my heart and it’s very hard for me to share...so please bear with me if I don’t make sense. 

I don’t usually talk about heavier topics like this, but I since Penn State THON is in 2 days, I thought now would be the perfect time to share :)

This year, members of my dance team and I (hehe hey s/o Rayna & Victoria) are going to be standing for as many hours as we can over this weekend. We’re standing to emulate the struggles people endure when they have cancer. Now obviously, we are aware this is not NEARLY the same as an actual cancer journey, but each year Penn State holds a dance marathon in honor of the kids. I’m going to share with you why I THON. 

I THON for my Pop Pop. He was the most inspiring, hard-working person there was. He was a brother, father, grandfather, and friend. He touched the lives of those around him. He unfortunately lost his battle to lymphoma when I was about 8 years old. Even though I was so young, not a day goes by where I don’t miss him. Losing him was the first true experience of heartbreak I had in my life. I watched my family struggle to continue without him, and there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless. I experienced anxiety I had never known prior, and was confused on how to deal with it. 

As devastating as it was, I think our family truly relied on one another to get by. It sounds weird, but I think there’s something beautiful about loving someone so much, that their absence is so painful. It truly means they had an impact on you. 

Unfortunately this story is not unique to our family. Thousands of families go through the same struggles with cancer. We THON for the hopes of a better tomorrow. We THON so that one day, maybe people won’t have to hear that their loved one has cancer. 

Now, I’m not sharing this post for sympathy or for you to feel sorry for me. Rather, I’m sharing it for the message that I want you to know that I will do anything in my power to be there for those who have similar stories. I see you, and I love you very much ❤️ I hope you know we’re in this fight together, and we’ll continue to fight FTK! 🎗

A Love Letter To You

Whether your mood is looking like the first photo or the second, Cupid’s Day is just about here! Some people’s favorite day of the year, some people’s worst nightmare lol.

Now for those in relationships, I hope you have a wonderful day full of all the sappiness you desire!! For my single pringles, I’m not gonna sit here and try to tell you that today will be easy haha. I know today can be a rough one to watch from the sidelines (if it makes you feel better, this Valentines Day, you all are my valentines hehe)! But trust me, I know it’s a weird day for a lot of people. 

However, regardless of if you’re in a relationship or not, it can be hard sometimes to feel you are truly appreciated. So this is where I come in! 

I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that your presence matters. You matter. Your ideas and passions matter. All of you matters, right here, right now. Life is so precious and so short. We all have an impact on one another, whether we know it or not (it’s literally a sociological fact I promise you). 

So this Valentines Day, I want you to know that I see you. I appreciate you being here. And your value to this world is bigger than you know. I hope you have a wonderful day today, remembering all the love this life brings with it :) 

Love, Mary Bee 🐝❤️

My Fave Songs on the Planet & Why

If you know me, you know I ADORE my music!! I love to make playlists for friends and suggest new music, as well as getting song recommendations too! 

Over the years, I have compiled some of, what I like to call, my favorite songs on the PLANET (and if you want the playlist with some bonus honorable mentions on it too, the link is on the bottom hehe). Each of these 7 songs have a specific memory or moment in life attached to them that make them so special to me, and I thought I’d share that with you today!

~The Playlist~

Daughters (John Mayer) -  Obviously, I am a large John Mayer music fan. We been through this. However, this song in particular can make me cry with just hearing the first few guitar strums :) This song simply reminds me of my dad! We used to listen to this song when I was little and I would dance around the kitchen on my dad’s feet! To me, it reminds me of childhood and instantly calms me down. I think the song itself is beautiful, and I always say that I want this to be my first dance with my dad at my wedding!!

Surprise Yourself (Jack Garratt) - This song instantly brings a smile to my face! It reminds me of my senior year of high school (#iykyk), and a huge season of growing for me as a person! I associate so many happy memories with this song. I made new friends through this song, I strengthened my bonds with existing friends with this song. I learned that I’m much stronger than I think I am through this song. This song helped me let go of pain, and for that, I’ll always consider it a very happy memory (also the chorus is just >>>>>)!!! 

Sunday Morning (Maroon 5) - This takes me back to one of my favorite moments to date!! It was the night before I left for college, and I was in the car with 2 of my close friends (hehe you know who you are). I could tell the energy in the car was a little tense since we all knew we wouldn’t be together for awhile. Then this song comes on shuffle. The energy IMMEDIATELY shifts and we all start belting out this song at the top of our lungs. It was a moment in life for me that didn’t feel real. Felt straight out of a coming-of-age movie. And now this song always lifts my mood up :) 

Ultralight Beam (Kanye West) - Another song that instantly reminds me of high school me! This was my junior year of high school. I’ll admit, I was in a dark place when I first heard this song. I was sitting with members of my class (once again #iykyk) and this song comes on. I remember exactly where I was sitting, I remember exactly how I felt. Honestly, at first I was like….is Kanye West…..making me….emotional right now LOL? This song gave me the peace that I needed that year. It helped me realize that the pain I was feeling in the moment was temporary. It helped me see the good in people again, and realize that I had many more people who cared about me than I thought! Also side note: the vocals on this song are otherWORDLY. That’s all I have to say.

Fine Line (Harry Styles) - This song reminds me of winter!! I remember my friends Nicole and MJ played this song for me in the car and just told me to take it in. The second I heard the beginning of the song, I KNEW it would be a game-changer. This song became the only song played over and over for hours on the way to and from school. This song would go on to be the song I used for my 2019 year recap video - I loved it that much. Overall, this song brings with it all the memories I made in 2019, and i’ll always cherish those moments :)

You Were Good to Me/Shallou Remix (Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler) - Now this song is unique to me. There are actually 2 versions to it that are both equally beautiful and have helped me through different parts of my life. The original version of the song (just titled “You Were Good to Me”) is super sad, but is great to listen to if you need a good cry LOL! This song has simply helped comfort me when I experienced losses in my life. However, the other version of the song (titled “You Were Good to Me - Shallou Remix), is WAY more upbeat!! I think the chorus of this song is SO cinematic and honestly takes me away from any trouble I may be facing that day (like please listen to this song its so so good). It reminds me of Summer 2020 and although we were in a pandemic, it makes me forget the negatives and reminds me of all the happy moments of the summertime! 

Glory Days (The Vamps) - FINALLY we have this GEM of a song!! Yes, it was also a song I used in a video. No, I’m not sorry about it. I chose this song for my 2020 year recap video, once again, because it’s THAT good. This song reminds me that every day on this earth is a glory day. Each day we get to live out new experiences and learn new things. Each day we have here is a day we shouldn’t take for granted because being here right now IS a the glory day. This song is so happy and catchy, that I have not stopped listening to it on repeat since I first heard it.

So that’s my playlist of my favorite songs that exist right now!! I’m sure as I go along this life, I will discover more favorites and add them as well! Once again, I linked below the Spotify playlist of these songs, plus a few honorable mentions, if you want to dance along to them with me!! :))

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What’s Iago’s Deal?

You know that phrase “Patience, Iago, patience,” from Aladdin? It’s one of the most quotable Disney scenes (in my humble opinion), and I feel like a favorite phrase for parents to use on their kids!  

One of the biggest lessons I’ve been continuing to learn is the concept of patience. After having to spend so much time in isolation, I feel like the world is getting antsy for a change. And I’ll admit, as much as I preach remaining positive, sometimes I feel impatient with life. 

It’s been a blessing for me to learn to trust the universe and be patient with wherever my path takes me. But it also would be nice to know some answers as well lol! So here’s my question of the day: what’s iago’s deal? 

Why is the universe so tricky, yet specific, with its timing? I chose these 2 photos back to back because sometimes I feel one way, and sometimes I feel another! Why am I more patient some days, and not as much on others? Why do I have so many questions in general? 

All I can do is be as honest as I possibly can, and hold on to the hope that not every question has to be answered today. Things will reveal themselves in the end, right?

Acceptance

So I’ve been wanting to make a post like this for awhile now, but I really haven’t had the guts to do so (and it’s a tough one for me to share so bear with me and my sappy-ness please hehe).

Recently, I saw this dance by a choreographer/dancer named Lonni Olson (@lonniolson) and it quickly became one of my favorite dance combinations I’ve ever seen!! I fell in love with how the movements synced to the music, and how they were so sharp, yet so fluid at the same time. 

While hesitant, I decided to challenge myself to learn the choreography and eventually share it. Now, watching myself dance has always been a struggle for me. I tend to compare myself to professionals I see, and beat myself up over my physical limitations. 

If I was going to do this, I knew that I’d have to keep an open mind for how it would look on my body. I’m aware I do not have the lines that professional dancers have. I know there are certain things that my body physically cannot do without pain or risk of injury.

However, once I had the choreography down, I then challenged myself to make it my own. I had to alter a few parts to be more flattering on me. I had to take the time to realize that each individual dancer that is out there’s movements won’t all be exactly the same (as much as I’d love that lol). 

The end result was this video here. There aren’t many solo videos that I’ve taken of myself that I have really enjoyed watching, and I can now finally say there is a video that I really like :) 

All in all, while everyone has a different opinion of what is entertaining or moving to them, I am proud of myself for the imperfections. I can genuinely say that I felt happy making this video, and less stressed about getting every single movement perfect!

So thank you to Ms. Olson for inspiring me to push myself physically and mentally. Learning to accept myself and the way I dance has been a longgg journey for me, but I’m definitely getting there day by day!

Text Me When You Get Home

This is one of my favorite things one can say to someone else :)

I think the sentence “text me when you get home” is such a simple and whole-hearted gesture that could really go a long way. In my humble opinion, it’s an underrated way to show someone you care!

Speaking of ways to show people you care, I thought I’d talk about a subject that is super relevant in my life, but something I want to improve on. Recently, after talking to some good pals (hehe you know who you are), I’ve come to realize that oftentimes when people ask “how are you” people will default to the “good” answer, regardless of how they are actually doing. And yes, I’m aware you won’t delve into deep personal matters with everyone you see, and that this is a safe answer for most people. However, this made me wonder just how many people put on this strong front each day. I realized that there is a misconception of “the strong friend” out there today.

Now I would classify “the strong friend” as someone who I think has it all together. Someone who’s always there for me, someone who seems like they have no stress, someone who seems to always have everything “under control.”

Now I’m not saying that those who don’t exhibit those qualities aren’t strong, I just was giving some examples of the first things that came to mind when thinking of certain friends in my life. In reality, I think “the strong friend” is a myth! Everyone has their worries, everyone puts on some sort of front to the public.

“The strong friend” is by no means an insult either! It’s honest probably flattering for most people to hear that they got it together lol! However, I will admit, that there are certain friends in my life that I would classify as those who I’d feel hesitant asking about how they are - like how they truly are. Why this is, I have no clue to be honest.

That being said, I’m gonna make it known here that you do not have to be “the strong friend” 24/7, even though you might feel like you do. It is not your job to have everything in life figured out. It is not your responsibility to repress what you’re feeling if you truly want to share it!

I know everyone says “check up on your strong friends.” It’s a pretty common saying these days especially. But this year, I’m promising myself that I will reach out to more friends. I will make my best effort to provide a listening ear to them, without making them feel like they have to share anything they aren’t comfortable sharing.

Just like the simple phrase “text me when you get home,” a small gesture like a “tell me how you really feel" or “how are you really doing” could make all the difference! Especially with today marking a new semester for many people, I think it’s important to check up on one another. A new start doesn’t necessarily mean that there isn’t previous burnout people are feeling.

Like always, I hope you know that you can come to me with any concern or worry you might be facing (regardless of how well we know each other, what we’ve been through, etc). I would love to “text you” when I get home as well :)

It’s You

What happens when your car is low on fuel....you go the gas station and fill it up right?

Consider this post your mental gas station! I’m here to attempt to give you a little mental rest :)

Now I could be wrong, but I feel like being isolated has left all of us a TON of room to get in our heads. More and more, I have noticed myself being my own worst enemy. I started to wonder how much other people were feeling like this. So I will share with you this simple message, in case no one told you today:

You are enough. You always have been enough, and you always will be enough. 

Please read those words again because I really mean them. Whatever challenges you are facing right now, whatever stress you may be feeling, it’s all valid. 

I want you to think about who you love in this world. Like really think, who in your life is important to you. I know this is corny.....but did you think about yourself? If you didn’t, that’s okay, because I’m here to remind you of who you are! :D

Even if you didn’t think of yourself, I can guarantee you there is someone out there who did think of you. You are someone’s world. You are someone’s reason and purpose - and I hope you never forget that!

It’s you! Really, it’s you! 

So please, take it easy on yourself tonight. I think you’re wonderful and this world is blessed to have you in it :)

Stop This Train

If you know me, or follow any social media of mine really (lol), you probably know by now that I’m a hUgE John Mayer fan :) Recently, one of his songs called, “Stop This Train” has been hitting quite home for me. In the song, he talks about the bittersweet subject of growing up and getting older. The concept of trying to be open to life’s natural course, while also wishing time could slow down has been one of the biggest struggles I’ve been facing. 

Now don’t get me wrong, the future is so exciting! I’m really happy with the opportunities that are to come and truly cannot wait to see where life goes from here! However, a part of me still wishes she could hold on tight to the past. I enjoyed growing up. I was never really in a rush to be an adult. 

Now, before you say anything hehe, yes. I’m aware I’m only 20. I’m obviously very young! I still have so much to learn and am still getting there - I know. But within the next year or two, there will be many big changes coming. Things will not be as they have been all my life. Yes, this is totally okay, but that doesn’t mean I never get sad about it. 

I try my best to only think of the positives coming versus the positives that have gone or will go, but for me (being the lil sappy bean I am), that’s difficult. And not having all the answers is hard for me, I’ll admit. 

What I do know moving forward is that I will try my best to ride the wave. I will give trusting the universe’s path my all. I will accept the present in the best ways I can.

I saw something online the other day that talked about how life was like a thick rope. I’ll definitely butcher this, but here’s what I got from it: If you try to hold on to the rope while you’re slipping, you’ll only hurt your hands more. If you start to slip and just let go, you’ll cause less damage to your hands.

For me, this means that I must remember to not beat myself up if I’m sad sometimes (I have to constantly remind myself this one haha), because that’ll only make matters worse. I don’t have to hold on to the dumb idea in my mind that I have to be happy and think happy 24/7. I have to let that train of thought go, because it’s impossible!

Instead of trying to ‘stop this train’ of life’s natural timing - maybe I’ll join it!