The Blog
what my brain is thinking today.
My First Week in New York
Cat’s out of the bag…I moved to New York City to start my working life! And honestly…HUH? I still can’t believe it.
I feel like I’m 6 years old and now I’m working in a big city with a big company… how did this happen?! Little Mary would be in complete shock.
I’ll admit, the past 2 weeks have been the most crazy, fast, scary, amazing, hard weeks of my life so far. Learning to navigate a new city, a new job, new experiences, and all the emotions that come with that is so incredibly overwhelming, but so incredibly beautiful. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to sort it all out!
There have been days where I’ve felt anxious and lonely. There have been days I’ve felt on top of the world. There have been days where I’m homesick. There have been days where I can’t believe this is my reality. As you can see, my emotions have been all OVER the place.
I’d be lying if I said that imposter syndrome doesn't get to me. It sounds dramatic, and it is hard to describe on the internet, but sometimes I feel like I’m not deserving or able enough to live in the biggest city in the country. Sometimes my mistakes get to me…and trust me, just this week alone, I've made plenty of them. I end up being a little too hard on myself.
But that’s when I take a step back. I just got here. There’s no reason I have to strive for perfection. I’ve never lived in a city, let alone one as big as New York, and it’s going to take a minute to adjust. I’m not perfect and never will be. Just like the adjustment of going to college, moving away from home and loved ones and the comfort that they bring is always going to be challenging. But if I never challenge myself, how will I grow?
Instead of being so hard on myself (which is a hard habit to break), I’ve made a little mental list of what I’m proud of: learning how to do a new job, starting to learn the subway and nyc neighborhoods, pushing myself to make some friends here literally straight off the internet (no joke), and taking myself on little adventures and learning to enjoy my own company (when mj isn’t around of course hehe hey bestie).
When I get overwhelmed with change, that’s when I take a moment to appreciate what is solid. What hasn’t changed. Being able to lean on those in my life that know me and support me, especially as someone with anxiety, has been a blessing I can’t even put into words. I even have this little wall in my room here that I filled with photos of those special people that keep me going, to remind myself that I’m not alone. I never have been and never will be. And neither are you. No matter how small you may feel.
I don’t have to have everything figured out right now and neither do you. Just like learning the subway as someone from PA, you learn as you go (LOL). There’s no rush. And let me tell you, it’s a hell of a lot of fun learning as you go along your way :)
The Classics
Isn’t there an old vine that’s like, “have you read the classics? oh I’ve read. I’ve READ the classics”
(Maybe I’m making this up but I thought it went something like that maybe? I’m sleep deprived at the moment so I’m not sure tbh. Also pretty positive you shouldn’t put punctuation inside parenthesis but here we are). Anyways.
Have you read the classics? Now I’m not talking the book classics (cause honestly, I probably haven’t). I’m talking your about your friends!
You might be thinking, mary, is this some kind of weird analogy …
..HERE WE GO.
Today I was talking with a friend I’ve known throughout all my college years, and we found out we knew so much, yet actually so little about each other LOL.
The necessities we knew, yes. The shared experiences, absolutely, we’re not strangers. However, when it came to like our classic behaviors or habits we were shocked at the new intel - and let me tell you, it was super funny figuring it out!
So my challenge to you today is if you think you know someone, ask them their “classics” (it could be literally anything you’re curious about). I guarantee you you’re in for an entertaining conversation!
Little Miss Sunshines
Since I’ve seen the “little miss ____ insert the blank” trend going around, I thought I’d take it back to one of the OG book titles of “Little Miss Sunshine.”
Today’s post is dedicated to those in my life who constantly bring sunshine :) No matter where they are, how they’re feeling, what the day holds, they never fail to put a smile on my face!
While there are SO many sunshines in my life, the few that came to mind specifically today are my friends: Molly, Abby, Ryan, Livi, Cassie, Chelsea, Jackie, Jenna, Emily, Katie, Jess, and Emma !!!
These ladies are the sun in human form, and I hope they know to keep shining bright (because it’s much appreciated) ❤️
For My Girlies
Now before you say what I know you’re thinking, yes I’m aware the first photo is of me and not my pals…I’m getting there I promise there’s a reason to this 🤌
In the first photo, I got this new dress and tried her on and felt great! I wanted to take the opportunity to do a little photoshoot …so what did I do? Got all made up and literally went to a field in my hometown (shoutout Cece you grinded for me ❤️)
And what did all my friends do? Every single one of them here didn’t even question it. They hyped me up.
That’s the thing about these lovely ladies. They’re always gonna be there to hype me up. They’re always down for my spontaneity. They always lift my spirits when needed. They’re the type of friends that you road-trip with and don’t get sick of, or the friends that you could be stranded in an empty room with and still have fun.
Each one brings something special in my life. For example, Caitlyn is the human form of sunshine. She’s always happy to see you, she’s always smiling. Madi and Jess (Jess, I didn’t forget about you I promise we just need an updated photo lol) are the funniest people I’ve ever met. Like when I say I’m ROLLING every time they step foot in the room, I’m not exaggerating. Jess gives some of the best advice on the planet. Madi is my adventure buddy and literal other half. Mj is the most down to earth, empathetic person you’ll ever meet. She’s everyone’s rock and she’s damn good at her job. And Maria has been my best friend since I was 2 years old. She’s the mom of the group and puts everyone else’s needs before her own. She is without a doubt the most genuine person on the globe too.
As you can see, I’m feeling extra grateful for these special ones today. Thank you for all you do for me. And, like always, tell your people you love them. You never know who needs to hear it :)
The Thing About the Ocean
One place I love the most in the world is the beach. It’s always been a source of peace for me. But there’s specifically something about the ocean that gets me reflecting.
Now this may sound hella corny and ~poetic~ Dammit, I’m NOT trying to channel Ernest Hemingway over here. That would make me ill (if you ever had to read old man & the sea you’ll get me here).
But I love the way the ocean makes me feel. I love how vast and wide it is. I love how we can’t see where it leads. I love the tides. I love the way the ocean connects people of all ages as they walk along it. But I especially love how it reminds me that there’s something bigger, something constant. It’s always there, it’s always in the same place.
Sometimes I feel like I care too much about things in my life, regardless of what they might be. On rare occasions, I feel like I care so much that it consumes me like the waves. Yes, there are worse problems to have, but sometimes I find myself in a place like I was last night - trying to remember how to breathe properly until 5am. Feeling lost. And I don’t even have a full explanation why.
But the ocean? It’s so steady. Even when it swells and crashes it’s in control. It’s constant. And while I’m so grateful to be someone with so much to care about, in the midst of so much change, I would love something constant. And knowing the ocean is always there is a huge comfort.
And if you’re feeling unsteady, I hope you find the strength to find just one constant thing in your life. I promise the perspective shift makes things a little less scary :)
You Are More
I’ll admit that lately I’ve been feeling super anxious. The past few weeks have been a war on my emotions.
I had seen this sweatshirt a few months ago and ordered it immediately, as I knew I’d love the reminder in the future. However, I forgot about my order until it came a few days ago - at the most timely moment!
Sometimes I think the fear of the unknown can get to me. I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was 7 years old, and one of the big triggers for me is the unknown. While it’s not easy to admit when you’re afraid, I like to remind myself that simply acknowledging the fear is something huge! And that is enough. It’s not your job to have everything figured out right now.
When I get anxious I start to get self conscious as to why I just can’t shut off my anxious thoughts. I get self critical really fast. Learning that I am more than my anxious thoughts has changed my life. I realized that anxiety does not control me or my value. It is a small part of me that I accept, but it’s not all of who I am.
I posted this photo in the simplest way I could think of - no makeup, wet hair, timer photo on my phone. An easy way to remind myself I am more than what’s on the outside. I am more than what makes me anxious on the inside. And so are you! So is everyone. We are all made up of hundreds of things. And it’s time we start recognizing how beautiful that is!
Life After Graduation
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but last Saturday I graduated from Penn State University with a B.A. in Film Production!
Words cannot begin to describe how grateful I am to have found a home at this school and to have a place that makes saying goodbye so hard. The friends that have turned into family at PSU will always have a special place in my heart (I’ve linked the video I made recapping the year below).
To Penn State’s Donald P. Bellisario College of Communications, you are the greatest college there is. I am truly blessed to be a tiny part of you. I can’t thank the students and faculty enough!
Finally, I’m so happy to announce I’ll be moving to NYC this August! Thank you so much to my family, friends, and advisors for the opportunity :) I’m so so excited!
The Final Premiere
It’s crazy to think this is my final film premiere, back where it all started! It you would’ve told little Mary that she’d make seven original films in college, she’d probably cry of excitement!
Throughout each film, I’ve learned new things about myself, my loved ones, and about filmmaking in general. Some lessons I’ve kept track of along the way include:
The Bucket List (2020) - My first film. Taught me how much work making a movie takes, how to film in a pandemic, how to be a director.
Convergence/Why-omissing? (2021) - Taught me how to coordinate more complex camera movements, how to work with bigger casts, how to trust myself, and how to (still) film groups during the pandemic.
Ego/Anx-eye-ty (2021) - These films were made under time constraints. They taught me to not second-guess myself, to push myself to new visual boundaries, and to open up about more personal issues (learning to be more vulnerable with my content was a huge stepping stone for me).
Panic/Dare to Rêve (2022) - These films are very close to my heart. I learned to truly let go during these films. I finally understood that things won’t always be perfect - it’s impossible to make them that way! The second I let go of the pressure I put on myself, I had the most fun yet during the filming of these!!
Having the opportunity and privilege to make films, especially in college, has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! Thank you is an understatement to the casts of each film. To MJ, Madi, Caitlyn, Chelsea, and my family, you save my life every day and I’m forever grateful for you! Thank you Rêve Dance Company and to those who came out to any premiere of mine. And thank you to those who watch!! You hold a special place in my heart and I’ve loved being able to share with you!
While the ~college film~ chapter of my life may be coming to an end, you have not seen the last of Mary Bee Films ;)❤️🐝
(In case you haven’t seen the films I just premiered, I’ve linked them below)!
My Last Two Solo College Films!!
I’m so thrilled to share with you my last two solo films of my Penn State journey, “Panic,” and “Dare to Rêve!” These films are up now on YouTube (they’re also linked below).
These projects were a blast to film and I can’t thank Madi Nuse and my cast of “Panic", Rêve Dance Company, and Chelsea Birkel enough for your trust in me and your dedication to the overall ~vision ~ I love you with my whole heart!!
If you’re in State College, Tuesday, April 26th, there will be the in-person premiere at the State Theater downtown :) Can’t wait for you to see! ❤️
I’m Two!!
Today is the second birthday of Mary Bee Films!! I can’t believe it’s been two years already wow! Thank you so much for sticking by me all this time :)
The support I’ve received for my everyday thoughts and word tom means the absolute world to me! This blog has helped me open up about my lows and celebrate my highs. Having an outlet to look back on and reflect, as well as to connect with with others is something I’ll forever be grateful for. Thank you!! 🐝❤️
What The Walls Says
It’s gonna be okay.
I love this wall. My friends & I found it on our Nashville trip, and I’ve never been more excited to pose in front of a wall on the side of the road. I’ve saved these photos for a day where I needed them. Today is that day.
The saying on the wall needs to be said more. It needs to be repeated. A lot of people need hear it more often. I need to hear it more often.
Lately, I’ve been living out moments with my loved ones that I wouldn’t trade for the world! However, like I always say, being authentic is important to me. Social media is a highlight reel, and I’m attempting to make it as human as possible (while keeping some privacy of course). Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty invisible - I can’t even put a finger on why.
While lifting up others is one of my favorite things on the planet to do, it’s hard to feel seen yourself all the time. Sometimes it’s easy to feel overlooked, used, or underestimated. It’s easy to feel like there’s been an invisibility cloak thrown over you. It’s easy to feel like you’re cheering others on while watching from the sidelines. The one thing we have to remind ourselves, no matter how bad things get is: it’s gonna be okay.
It’s gonna be okay. I know it.
With moments of feeling small come moments where you feel on top of the world. Any discouraging emotions you feel won’t last the rest of your life. All you have to do is stay the course. Have good intentions. Take it easy on yourself.
I know things will be okay for both you and me. If you feel unseen, know that I see you and I appreciate you. We got this :) Everything will work out in due time.
Our Spring Break Itinerary in Nashville
This spring break, my friends and I decided to go to Nashville! If you’ve come to this post, you’re probably interested in the specifics of what we did each day. If not, I made a YouTube video showing all the highlights of the trip (linked below).
Now, on to the travel planning part! I’ve broken our trip up by days & included some advice at the end! We decided not to rent a car, but to Uber (key fact though: there was only 3 of us so we never needed anything bigger than an UberX). Overall, we ended up only throwing around $30-40 between the 3 of us the entire trip for Ubers, instead of a flat fee for renting a car. We even found that the most interesting people we met on the trip were our drivers (they have all the local tea, and TRUST me, they will tell you it)!
Where we stayed: Our airbnb was located in Music Row. Its a residential area, where a bunch of the recording studios are located, about a 5 minute Uber from downtown Nashville. We stayed in a Willie Nelson themed apartment, and absolutely loved it! The owners were super nice, and responded fast. Everything was very clean and well-kept too. Here is the link to the place: https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/40534788?adults=3&check_in=2022-03-06&check_out=2022-03-10&federated_search_id=11cace3b-7bcc-496e-85a3-89f6a85a140b&source_impression_id=p3_1644715730_6Op1hqxxeILtd%2BY3
Day 1 (arrival day):
Checked into our airbnb
Got lunch at Acme feed & seed
Walked around Broadway/Nashville Walk of Fame
Took photos on the overlook above Ryman Auditorium (had snacks in Assembly Food Hall to the right of the overlook)
Postmated dinner from Sadie’s Mediterranean (super good salmon)!
Went to the bars on Broadway that night: took photos on the roof of The Stage Bar, then went to Nudie’s and Whiskey Top Bar
Day 2:
Breakfast at Biscuit Love (there’s a few locations, but we went to the Hillsboro location since it was a short ride away from our place)
Went to Love Y’all mural/Loading Dock coffee shop (we actually didn’t know this mural was on the side of a coffee shop, but it was a TOTAL hidden gem built into an old garage building, with really good coffee & nice people)!
Went to It’s Gonna Be Okay mural
Parthenon/Centennial Park
Walked through Vanderbilt’s campus (on accident - if you are looking at the Parthenon and turn to your left, keep walking straight until you hit a town - that’s Vanderbilt). We even grabbed some merch on campus LOL
Dinner at 12/30 Club (this was unknowingly Justin Timberlake’s bar). There are two parts of this restaurant: The Honky Tonk (downstairs, more casual) & The Supper Club (upstairs, more formal). We went to the Honky Tonk part of it, and the live music/food was very good!
Bars on Broadway this night: Tootsies Bar, Kid Rock’s Honky Tonk Central, Whiskey Top Bar
(Disclaimer: Madi and I went to Tootsies at night time since it’s a world-famous bar, however, being two girls in their 20s, we were the youngest people at the bar. Unfortunately, we got some creepy vibes from some older men, so we left after one drink. However, it was still cool to see, but if you’re younger, you may want to skip this one at night time and go during the day)!
Day 3:
Grabbed coffee at Moonshot Coffee (in the Gulch)
Went to the famous What Lifts You Wings Mural & took some photos (while we were waiting for our Uber to lunch, we stopped in the store directly next to the mural called Kittenish - it was another hidden gem with cute photo spots inside)
Lunch at RH Nashville Cafe - now this might’ve been one of the highlights of the whole trip! It’s an absolute MUST go and much more impressive than we expected! Only afterwards did we realize that the RH stands for Restoration Hardware - we were literally eating lunch in a furniture store HA! But the food? The scenery? The staff? Incredible. I know there are different locations of this cafe in different cities (I think NYC has one of these), but we absolutely adored it! Weird tip, but go visit the bathrooms in the back right corner of the place - there’s a beautiful hall of mirrors and chandeliers (perfect for photos)!
Went to Sixty Vines rooftop for dinner & The Baked Bear for dessert (Mj loves this place)!
This night, we were super tired, so we stayed in and had a movie night in our airbnb!
Day 4:
Went to the Nashville farmers market for coffee/food
Walked around 12 South shopping area/went to Frothy Monkey cafe for food for me (had amazing GF food for my celiac besties <3)
These murals/walls were all in the 12 South area: Nashville Looks Good on You mural (in the back parking lot of the Frothy Monkey), Looking Pretty Music City mural, Draper James store, and I Believe in Nashville mural
Went to the Hampton Social for dinner
Went to the Red Phone Booth Speakeasy for drinks after dinner. Let me tell you about this place, it was another huge highlight of the trip! We saw this on Tik Tok & were a little skeptical, but it was legit! Basically, you enter a 1920s speakeasy through a red telephone booth on the side of the road. It’s actually a chain bar too, and there are other locations in different cities! Let me give you some more info:
hidden speakeasy located on 142 Rosa L Parks Blvd
dress code; no open-toed shoes, not too many holes in clothing
call the Renaissance Hotel for a number to dial in the booth to be let in the bar (ask them for Cannoli Greg) - the number changes sometimes
if they tell you it’s members only, you’re either not in dress code or they are at capacity (we went in the height of the evening & we were fine though)
we did have to call them twice once we were in the booth before they answered the door to let us in
really good drinks, pretty pricey (since they say you’re paying for the quality/experience) but worth it, also a cigar bar so it smelled pretty heavy of smoke - but once again, still would go back <3
After the speakeasy, we went out on Broadway again. This evening’s bars included: Jason Aldean’s (a must-go, awesome dance floor), and Nudie’s (again hehe).
Day 5 (departure day):
Checked out of airbnb
Went to Barista Parlor for coffee (multiple locations of this, we went to the one in the W Hotel since it was on our way to brunch)
Had brunch at the Liberty Common
Sat in the Graduate Hotel’s Poindexter coffee shop until we had to go to the airport (since we had a ton of luggage, we needed somewhere were we could relax and put our stuff down - and this was the perfect place to unwind after a successful trip)!
GENERAL ADVICE:
I saw this from a woman on Tik Tok & it couldn’t have been more true - make reservations for dinner in advance! Places fill up quickly, and it’s difficult to find walk-ins late at night (since kitchens close at different hours)
Get to Jason Aldean’s bar earlier rather than later, since it is a very popular bar (they had hit capacity many days we were there)
Since we went during March, we packed all types of outfits since the weather fluctuated frequently (the first day was 70 degrees and sunny, the next was 45 and rainy) Be prepared for all types of weather!
TRIP FAVES:
RH Cafe Nashville, Red Phone Booth Speakeasy, Justin Timberlake’s 12/30 Club, Sixty Vines Restaurant, Jason Aldean’s Bar, Nudie’s Bar, Whiskey Top Bar (go to the top floors of the bars, they are mostly all rooftops).
Overall, this trip was so incredibly fun and we had the best time! Definitely a place we’ll be returning to in the future, and the perfect place for your next girls trip (or any trip really)!
THON 2022
Two weekends ago, was the best weekend of college. THON weekend. It’s hard for me to put into words what THON means to me (I attempted to in my most recent podcast episode). But truly, how do you describe something so beautiful in a only a few words?
Imagine watching 46,000 people come together for a common cause all year long. Imagine your stress, your everyday anxieties, your doubt about others, imagine them going away. Imagine seeing your college slow down for two days, only thinking of each other. Surrounding each other with support and comfort. Thousands of people’s hearts stripped down their most genuine forms of love. This is what I witnessed. I saw the good in the world. I saw what people can do when they come together.
Now obviously, to be frank, we didn’t cure cancer. There still isn’t a cure. It breaks my heart how many people are and have been affected by cancer. The fight isn’t over. I wish I could hug each and every person who experienced and experiences the heartbreak of this disease.
However, we gained hope. A whole lot of it. $13.7 million of hope, to be exact. We became closer to that cure. And for this, I’ll forever be grateful.
My experience of being a part of THON for four years, and being a dancer (standing awake for the full 46 hours) for the past two years, has been nothing short of life-changing. I can’t put into words how humbled and honored I am to have had these experiences. While it is the most physically challenging thing I’ve ever done, it was also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I am so proud of all those who have tackled the challenge and shown their support otherwise. I’ve never been so lucky to be a small part of Penn State.
So with this: I simply say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of a history-making 50th anniversary of THON. Thank you to those who supported me throughout my journey, in any capacity. THON brought me new peace and hope that I didn’t know was in me all along. And I’ll never forget it (I linked the recap video I made of the weekend below).
Chin Up, I’m Back!
Hello hello! I hope you are all doing well :) I know it’s been about a month since I last posted on here. And while this break was necessary, I’d be lying if I said I had planned it. I’m gonna be extremely vulnerable today.
I’d be lying if I said I strategically took time off to focus on me. I’d be lying if I said I was ~cleansing~ myself of social media. I’d even be lying if I told you I felt 1000% inspired to write a blog post about what was happening in my life. The truth is: I had no inspiration to write because I had felt completely and utterly drained by life.
I love preaching positivity more than anything, but I also love keeping things as real as possible on here. So I felt you deserved to know: I haven’t been great. I haven’t been feeling super smiley all the time. I’ve actually felt pretty beaten down by life recently. I felt like bad news kept piling. And it felt awful.
However, I gave myself some space to just let myself feel. I tried so hard, and am still trying to take my own advice of letting myself feel the crappy emotions. Letting myself have rough days. Because with those rough days, come better days. And this eventually became true for me.
Something that weirdly comforted me was the fact that everyone goes through periods like this in their life. Periods of feeling drained. Periods of being down in the dumps. And while I wish I could tell you that there’s a cure-all for those yucky feelings, I don’t have one. I wish I could say that no one will ever feel that way again. But that would also be a lie.
So here I am, attempting to maybe bring comfort to someone who is experiencing the same emotions by saying: I’m right here with you. This too shall pass. Days will get better. Days have gotten better. Whatever pent up worries or fears you have that may feel like they are piling, you’ll get through them.
I saw a post the other day that said to trust your future self with your future worries because the person needed to solve those problems in that moment will be born right there, out of the strength you already have. I thought that was beautiful.
I hope you know you’re never alone, and that even the “happy people” feel sad sometimes. It’s normal. We’re growing and that’s all we can do. Be kind to yourself please ❤️
Take a Picture, It’ll Last Longer
Happy first week back to classes (if it is for you, I know it is for my school hehe)!
I simply am in awe that this is my last semester of college. Like 8/8. The final countdown. Last lap in Mario kart. I can’t even fathom it.
I really think this saying above applies to me because I quite literally…take a picture of everything LOL. That’s a given. But in all honesty, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I want this semester to be. What if this saying could mean something a little deeper?
Regretfully, I have spent a lot of time being sad over things coming to a close or ending. It’s hard to come to terms with the “lasts” of your time somewhere. But I think reframing how I think of life and where I am has helped me so far, so maybe it can help you!
I know I touched on this before, but instead of putting so much pressure on yourself to “remember everything before it’s gone,” why not just stay in the present? As much as I hate to admit it, time marches on whether we like it or not. We can spend our time being sad about how we’ll miss these days in our future or stressing over whether every single thing is perfect for our “lasts” of everything. Or we could simply just exist. That’s it!
No matter how much pressure you put on yourself to cherish every single moment, it won’t change the outcome of the future. Of course we want to savor what is happening now. Of course we want to look back with happy memories. But it shouldn’t affect how we live our lives now. We shouldn’t be living in fear that the future won’t be as great as our present.
Guess what the common factor in both present and future are? You! And if the present is great (or maybe not even super great), then the future could be just as amazing or even more with you conducting it!
I’m sure no matter how you’re conducting yourself, you’re doing the very best you can at this given moment. And that’s all you can ask of yourself! So take a picture of your life right now. Enjoy it! The memory might last longer with photo evidence, yes. It won’t last forever, but I’m sure your future endeavors will be just as amazing as where you are now.
I HAVE A PODCAST!!
Exciting news!! For years, I’ve wanted to start a podcast, and I finally thought: it’s 2022. Nothing is stopping me. Let’s do it.
So I’m SO excited to announce that I have a podcast called “Bee-ing Human with Mary Bee” now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!!
It’s obviously not perfect, but that’s the point! I want to focus this podcast around growth. No matter what it is: whether I’m feeling happy, sad, angry, excited, whatever it may be - I want it to be real. Ill be talking about a variety of different topics and having many guest appearances as well! The first episode is out now everywhere, I can’t wait for what’s in store ❤️
21 Things I Learned in 2021
bestie mj and I :)
Happy New Years Eve!! As always, the end of each year comes with a lot of reflection. I like to think about what I went through, what I can improve on, and what I’m proud of.
Last year, I wrote down 20 things I learned in 2020, so I figured, why not continue the tradition! So ~enjoy~ 21 things I learned in 2021:
Do not let bad situations deter you from being kind. No matter what happens, stay true to who you are.
Trust yourself - when the time comes, you’ll know what to do (shoutout to momma bee for that quote).
“Productivity” doesn’t always mean being on the go 24/7. You can still be productive by making time for yourself.
It’s okay to recharge on your own.
Be your own biggest cheerleader. There’s no use in beating yourself up for what you are/are not.
Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of.
Be as present as possible.
Reach out to your friends often - even if they seem to be doing fine.
If you have a creative thought, act on it! It could turn into something amazing.
Do not apologize for knowing how you should be treated. Stand your ground when things aren’t right.
Today is a blessing.
Let yourself be vulnerable with others. It’s okay to open up when you feel comfortable.
Smile at strangers, always.
Ask people about themselves - you’ll learn a ton from their personal stories.
Do not wait for things to get better before you start celebrating the now.
Trust the universe’s timing. Good things are ahead -say it until you believe it.
Do not apologize for feeling every emotion. Allow yourself to feel - that’s a blessing (especially don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad, it’s not normal to be happy every single second).
Drink more water! 🤪
You are stronger than you think (and this time, I actually believe it).
Don’t focus too much on what has gone or what is coming. Give yourself credit for where you are now and how much you’ve accomplished along the way!
Finally, laugh things off. You always feel better after you find the humor in each situation.
Overall, I learned so much about myself this year. I went through some of the highest highs and lowest lows this year. 2021 challenged me like no other year before. But the lessons learned were invaluable, and I can’t wait for what 2022 has to offer! My resolution this year is to have no resolutions. I’m going in to the new year the same old me, being as present as I can. Right here. Right now.
I’ve linked the end of the year recap video I made below. I hope you enjoy, and like always, I’m here if you need me ❤️
Premiere 3!!
Thank you so so much to those who came out for my third film premiere!! I had the best time making these films, and I couldn’t be happier with how they turned out!
A little more about the films:
“Ego” is a script I wrote my sophomore year of college for an assignment in my class, and I revisited the script this year and realized it needed some WORK lol. So I did just that! It was originally written for a married couple, but I switched it up into a more exciting storyline about 2 best friends dealing with some ego issues (with everyones fave star actress power duo Madi and Mj hehe thank you)!! Big shoutout to Vibe Coffee Co. in State College for being so amazing and letting us film in their store - it’s really the cutest place ever!!
“Anx-eye-ty” was also made for an assignment with the prompt of creating “a shift in perspective.” I figured I’d make it about a topic I’m familiar with and something that I have struggled with my whole life, anxiety. I wanted to challenge myself to visually demonstrate something so personal, and push myself to be vulnerable throughout the process.
Overall, I’ve learned a ton about myself through the making of these films and had the best time doing it! Thank you so much to my leading actresses as well as Caitlyn and Logan for your acting skillzz as well 😌Both films are now up on my YouTube channel and linked below. I can’t wait for you to see!! ❤️
Self-Portrait Challenge
Tonight, I challenged myself to something out of my usual comfort zone - I took some photos of myself! I’ve been seeing this trend going around of photographers challenging themselves to take self-portraits, and I thought I’d give it a shot too!
I’ve always liked the idea of themed photoshoots, and made it a goal of mine to try more of them. I wanted to use newspapers as my background, but I was struggling to find a concept to go along with them. Then, I saw a headline (it’s hard to read, but it’s the one right behind my head) that read “Women in the Tech Industry,” and I immediately knew I wanted that to be the center of the shot (found it fitting too for my future industry hehe)!
While they’re not perfect and I’m obviously not a model, I had a TON of fun figuring out lighting and the camera angles I needed, as well as staging myself in the shoot - it was definitely a challenge for sure!
If you’d like to see more of the photos from this shoot - I added a section to the photography tab of my website called “Conceptual Photography.” I’d love it if you checked them out! ❤️
Tis the Season
As the holiday season approaches, I wanted to remind everyone to take it easy on yourself. I know I’m a broken record when it comes to this theme - but I truly mean it, now more than ever. Let me explain.
Towards the end of each year, usually near the holidays, I start to compile moments to make a video recapping my entire year. This process is one of my favorite things on the planet to do, and it always leads to a ton of reflection on my end.
I reflect about what I’ve done in the past year. I reflect about how I felt. I reflect about who I was at the beginning of the year, and who I am now. This year in particular, I learned more about myself than ever before. The one theme that seemed ever present in everything I faced this year was: caring.
Wow, does that six letter word have a hold on my life.
Caring.
If I’m being completely honest, at times, this year has made me resent how much I care. How much moments mean to me. How much people mean to me. How much I value my own emotions.
One thing I still struggle with is: allowing myself to care. Sometimes when things are hard on me, I let myself believe that things would be easier if I didn’t care. Things would be easier if I didn’t feel. I feel like in today’s world, it’s almost expected of us not to care about anything. Everything is supposed to just roll right off our backs. We can’t show our weaknesses to anyone.
Boy, is that the wrong idea.
Let me tell you how much of a blessing it is to care. Please care. We need more people who do care. Caring is beautiful. Caring allows you to unlock a sense of empathy like no other. Caring lets you be there for others. Caring is being human.
This holiday season, I need you to know that I care. And I’m not just saying that: I’ll always care. I need you to know that you’re not alone, and you never will be as long as I’m here with you. I see you. I see how hard you’re working: don’t stop that. No matter what. It’s going to pay off for you so so soon! I have no doubt in my mind about that.
Please don’t make my mistakes and beat yourself up over such a beautiful thing. Your big, beautiful heart is not something to be ashamed of. I don’t care who tries to tell you otherwise or what your doubts are telling you.
Tis the season to care each day (not just the holidays lolz). And like always, if you ever need anything, I’m always here. Caring. ❤️